Todays lesson; Don't trust your father...  

Posted by Jonathan E Johns in , , , ,


So I wanted to do two things for my kid. First off, I wanted to give him something he couldn't get anywhere else in the world, that he would enjoy, appreciate, and know that it was done with love, and meant just for him.

Secondly, I wanted him to learn a valuable lesson from the gift. I don;t think that will work like I hope it will. He doesn't read this blog, as far as I know, and reading about it, or hearing about it would not be as effective as participating.

The gift is simple, home-made chocolate chip cookies, also known as Tollhouse cookies, according to the recipe on the package of name-brand chocolate chip 'morsels', as they are uncommonly known.

A gift like this to a new college freshman would be eaten quickly, and enjoyed thoroughly, probably by more freshmen than just my son.

The valuable lesson I'd like him to learn is the inherent value of such a gift. I think that in the future he will receive such gifts from girls who have feelings for him, and I would have him appreciate them properly.

If you've never made these little delicacies, it is not as simple as opening a package, adding water, stirring, and baking. Home made cookies require the measuring of flour, cracking of eggs, and hand stirring of real butter, and about a metric tonne of sugar, both brown and white. The stirring just about tore my right arm off, then my left, and then back to the beleaguered right. I softened the butter, at room temperature (No microwaves here!) and the sugar was fresh, and moist, and not a solid refridgeratored block of brown brick. But still it was hard. I actually broke a sweat. Then slowly adding the flour mixture, and slowly mixing, and turning, and stirring until I felt like I'd paddled up Niagra falls.

The lesson here, my boy, is that when a girl does this for you, it is with love, and each cookie is hand-crafted, and each time a little ball of dough is gingerly placed upon the sheet pan, she thinks of how and where you will eat this individual cookie. Will she be sitting next to you when you eat this one? Will you think of her at every single swallow? You'd damn well better, and you'd better show some appreciation. These aren't just an afternoon snack, and neither is she. By the time a girl bakes cookies like this for you, there is a little flame in her heart for you, and it is fragile. It could easily turn into a low and slow burning ember of true love, or flash burn your face off.

I promised myself that next time I had him for any amount of time, I would make him stir the sugar/butter mixture for a half hour or so, so he would truly appreciate what goes into these little goodies.

And I promise to send a couple dozen off to his dorm room. Real soon. Of course, I'll have to ensure they are made just right first, and make sure the consistency is, well, consistent. You know, do they hold up in a glass of milk, will they still be good a couple days after made. You know, Quality Assurance! So as soon as I've tested a few (Dozen) of these, I promise I'll make a dozen and get them off to you. Since I've made them, I'll have to share a few with my workmates, parents, and some neighbors, and since my rent is late again this month, my landlord wouldn't mind a half dozen goodies. So just as soon as I can, I'll put a half dozen in a little box, and send them right off. But really, a Half-Dozen? That isn't enough to justify the postage...

I'll go ahead and eat these, and make you some next week.

And there is the last part of the lesson. After she bakes you these wonderful cookies, the steel strength of character to give them to you and not eat all of them herself is a sign of true love.

This entry was posted on Saturday, October 4, 2008 at 9:49 PM and is filed under , , , , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .


awesome post, my man.

October 13, 2008 at 3:15 PM

I really need to learn to edit. This was stream of conscious, and there are simple Typos that I didn't take time to correct. Probably spelling errors as well.

But thanks.

October 13, 2008 at 7:45 PM

Well I'm reading it now...

Don't hurt yourself making cookies. Maybe we can make them together when I come back for thanksgiving. I'll be back on the 25th.

October 23, 2008 at 9:37 AM

It's a plan.

We can cook all kinds of crazy things!

I found a great recipe online for Turducken...

We start with a Hummingbird...

October 23, 2008 at 4:07 PM

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