Intercepted Messages

Two 19th Centruy woodcuts walk into a bar...

2009-11-24T14:13:00.004-06:00

I'd like to talk with you about Antique Lithography, and sarcastic humor.

Have you ever seen a picture like this:

and like a giggily pee monkey cracked wise about what the subjects of the image might be saying to one another?

Well, I have, and so has David Malki. Only he has visualized, and successfully created the humor, whereas I have only imagined this happening to me.

At http://wondermark.com/, David Malki has created much more than a blog, but a merchandising tour de force. All based loosely on my description above.

Without going too much into the Biography of David, which you can read here: http://wondermark.com/about/ ; He has had an impressive life up to this point, and now works his buns off to make us laugh, and provide the means for us to share our laughs with others.

From the penthouse suite at the top of the headquarters of TopatoCo, (http://topatoco.com/hey/) David oversees all daily operations of a team of thousands of highly trained operatives whose sole mission in life is to ensure that the 'humors' infecting David are expunged, and spread virally to all of us.

As it was told to me, David woke from a Slushee-induced sugar coma, trapped in the basement of the Los Angeles Central Library where he was surrounded by books depicting 19th century woodcuts and engravings. While in his stupor, the characters in the images began to speak to him, and challenge his manhood, calling him a pansy-artist and both taunting and provoking him. When he finally made it out of the Library, the haunting images became his tool for expression, and he began assembling the images in a humorous fashion, and adding funny words coming out of the images word-holes.

The result is a tour de force of funny stuff.

David, though, has his little pinkies in a few other pies, He is a partner in the crime called "Tweet Me Harder" ( http://tweetmeharder.tumblr.com/ ), and for now, he is passionately involved in this: http://wondermark.com/thanksgiving-project/ which is a honorable plan to get books and money for public libraries! (Which is why you are reading this)

I found Wondermark, and Mr. Malki through a friend of mine (Also named David. Do They have a convention?) Who pointed out to me once a cartoon which mirrored one of our own conversations. I am sure I was the snide one. But I read a few more, and was hooked.

Malki takes these 19th century images, and mixes and matches them as if they were a Colorform set, and adds conversations all to familiar to us, but with a slightly 19th century... accent? It's clever, and wonderful, and funny.

Amidst all the online Comics out there, it must be difficult to be original, and clever, but Mr. Malki has done both, establishing a strong foothold in the market. Best thing about it is, he has something funny to say, and is not a gimmick.

No fate but what we make

2009-10-27T22:57:00.003-05:00

My heart was broken a few times this evening.

But let me start at the beginning.

In the early 1990s, I liked to go to the local public library and borrow video tapes. Documentaries mostly, some films, but for the most part I watched films such as Ken Burns Civil War, and some travel videos.

One I came across was called, “Yosemite: The Fate of Heaven.” I took it home and with wonder and amazement watched the tale of Yosemite Valley as told by the Sundance Institute, and the Yosemite Association. Narrarated by Robert Redford, who also executive produced, it follows a narrative from the Diary of Lafayette Bunnell, a Company Doctor, who in 1851 accompanied a battalion of soldiers who were sent to explore the area. Intertwined with this historic narrative are scenes from modern day park life (It was filmed in the late 1980s) with interviews with Park Rangers and visitors. These scenes reveal the heartbreaking struggle between sharing the beautiful public space with people whose very presence deteriorates the park itself. The compelling score and sound under the breathtaking film footage of this park pulls the viewer in, and creates a sense of longing to see with ones' own eyes these gorgeous vistas.

Every time I watch this film, my heart aches. I want to go there, and see that. I want to go back in time, and prevent the tragedy that the soldiers, in the name of the United States Government, put forth on the Native Americans who inhabited the land. I want to see the things that Ansel Adams photographed in order to share the new National Park System with the American Public. I think I share the feelings with many people that we wish to see this place as if we were the only people there. I think, ironically, that all 100,000 visitors a week want this same oneness with nature, all at the same time.

Ansel Adams could put similar feelings in my heart that this one hour long film does, but with a single photograph. He grew up in the Bay Area, only a few hours away from Yosemite, and used his immense skill at capturing images to create eternal snapshots of such beauty that viewers of his photos often find themselves in tears with emotion.

I was so moved by this film and the narrative, and so interested in History, that shortly after I saw the film for the first time I asked the local librarian to help me find the published book that the Narrator reads from. I didn't think my small town local library would carry this book, so I asked for an inter-library loan, and after a few weeks, it came through. I was stunned to see the book. It was not only a first edition leather bound copy, it was from the library at Yosemite National Park. It had penciled notes on the borders, and some water stains. I read it carefully, but hungrily, and upon returning it to the library, I asked the librarian to include a note from me thanking whoever sent it along. To my further surprise, in reply to that note, the librarian at Yosemite wrote me back stating that this is one of very few first edition copies available to the public, and has been read by 'some very famous people' including Ansel Adams, and the book was 'used prominently' in the making of the film The Fate of Heaven. Did the director read this copy? Did Robert Redford? I was astonished that something of such value had been in my hands. Another very rare thing that, although is meant to be enjoyed, is slowly destroyed in the process of enjoying it.

I think back to the years I spent here in Northern California, only a few hours away from this place that I longed for, and my heart cracks a little that I never took advantage of the proximity of such a place. When I first watched this film, I thought I would never ever get the opportunity to go there. I was borrowing from the library, because I could not afford to rent videos from a video rental store. Airfare, and expenses were so far out of reach as to be unthinkable. But through the grace of something more powerful than I, I got to move to Northern California in the mid 1990's. I honestly thought I would find the time and money to visit Yosemite. But these two things never came into my life at the same time, and I never did. When I moved back to Missouri in the mid 2000's, I wasn't sure if I would be able to afford to go back to California, and many times I wondered if I would get back to Northern California at all. As I watch this film, the cracking of my heart is almost audible at the time and money I've wasted not taking advantage of the opportunity before me.

So sometime after I had moved to Northern California, I spoke often of this film I had seen on Video Tape from the Library. I urged people I didn't even know to find the time, to take the time, to go see Yosemite. I looked for the video tape, or DVD of the film, but could not find it available for purchase anywhere. (The internet was not really what it is today, back then.) But again, serendipity crossed my path, and at a garage sale one day, I found a VHS tape for sale for a Dollar, and snatched it up as if I had found a copy of the Declaration of Independence.

Much like the Park itself, I wanted to share it with everyone I knew, but I did not want to share it either. I told everyone I could find that I had found it, and retold the story of Dr. Bunnell, and tried to share some kind of description of the visuals through emotions, but I wouldn't dare lend it out. I didn't even want to show it to anyone. The few very close friends I did let watch it often left wondering what I had been going on and on about. So either I had built it up way too much, or it simply did not touch everyone the way it touched me.

But I watched it. Over and over. When I was feeling lonely, or afraid, or any other kind of strong emotion, I watched this film, and it made my feelings transcend into other feelings until I was no longer feeling anything but longing, and hope, and deep down, shame and fear. I longed to see the Valley, I hoped that something in my life would lead me there, I was shamed that I didn't make it happen myself, and I feared I never would.

It has been nearly 6 years since I watched this film, due to some strange circumstances, I lost it in my packing and storing, and moving, but when I was packing up to move back here to Northern California, like some kind of sign, I found it in a box, under some unrelated things. When I finally got unpacked here in my new place, I put it prominently on my shelf of movies, with plans to watch it soon, as sort of a personal welcome back to myself.

So this evening, I pulled it out, dusted it off, and put it in the VCR. Before it started up, the same old feelings came up in my heart. The longing to see the film again, which can so easily transport me to another place, to another time, just as it had way back when I first saw it; When I still hoped to move away from the mid-west someday and see the world; When I thought more about history than current events. Before it started I thought to how I felt back then, and how something like this film could have touched my heart and my life so simply, yet so profoundly. I longed for that time again, just as I longed to be at the Valley before the soldiers came. I wanted to be somewhere else, as so many of us do; Someplace different, somehow better.

As I pressed “Play” on the remote, the familiar late 1980's distribution company logo came onscreen, and the first notes of the strings began to play, the voice of the narrator began, and my heart began to break. The quality of the sound was fine, but the video quality of the tape had deteriorated terribly. It was not unwatchable, and when compared to a High Definition Blu-Ray copy of BBC's Planet Earth it was terrible, but it was of low TV quality. I felt like I had let the poor thing down. I felt like I feel when I watch the folks in the film, who want to share the park, who love the park, but by simply enjoying it, they are destroying it. I watched it too much. I didn't protect it enough. The final heartbreaking loss of the story is that it is out of print. There are copies to be bought, but they are from the last production run of the video tape from back in the 90's, and they will be of a significantly better quality than mine, but over time, they will simply lose their quality as well. I could buy a copy or two on the internet now, and save them for the future, but I doubt this film will ever be digitized, or made into a DVD. The thing about it is, I could easily go to the Valley now, and feel the emotions, and have my breath taken away, and fulfill the dream, but the film that inspired me is slowly decaying, and I fear one day it will simply be unwatchable. I am torn between watching it intently several times to fill my memory, or wait to watch it one last time a few years from now.

I've written some e-mails to several of those involved in the making of the film, in hopes that I can somehow gain a high quality version of the film, or at least be informed about the possibility of it coming out on DVD, as well as getting a copy of the sound track, but my hope is pretty weak. If you ever get the chance to see this film, please do. Don't expect too much, and you will not be disappointed. But don't ask me, because I am still not willing to share it.

Here is some info for you:

At the bottom of this list of songs is an excerpt from the soundtrack:Just click “Yosemite: The Fate of Heaven -Hymn” for a beautiful String arrangement.

http://tobomusic.com/sounds.html

Apparently it was shown on PBS at one time, here is a nice description:

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/americanexperience/YosemiteTheFateofHeaven/introduction

The Internet Movie Database entry:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098693/

Here is an interesting link to an excerpt of an interview with the filmmaker:

(Shortened link: http://bit.ly/crPWw )

http://books.google.com/books?id=NjTvpSuIAnwC&pg=PT293&lpg=PT293&dq=the+diaries+of+Lafayette+Bunnell&source=bl&ots=rH8U7rZ4rp&sig=D_wj--lLN6xD92NqPxmr-Y5wFk4&hl=en&ei=4b3nSv7XN4mKsgOpmbinBQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=2&ved=0CA8Q6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q=&f=false

And here is some info regarding the book used in the narrative:

http://www.powells.com/biblio/62-9780939666584-0

http://www.delmeyer.net/bkrev797.htm

A beautiful copy on GoogleBooks (Downloadable)!

(Shortened link: http://bit.ly/4CmJ9v )

http://books.google.com/books?id=8QkNAAAAIAAJ&dq=Lafayette+H.+Bunnell%27s+%22Discovery+of+the+Yosemite%22&printsec=frontcover&source=bl&ots=vAs18U5Yqj&sig=4-es1FSJVtr-ANZ_0_nesrn_u0k&hl=en&ei=cL7nSozvKYHusgOfk6GbBQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=3&ved=0CBMQ6AEwAg#v=onepage&q=&f=false

and finally an online copy from the Yosemite library:

http://www.yosemite.ca.us/library/discovery_of_the_yosemite/

Follow Me!

2009-10-16T13:06:00.006-05:00

If you're a tweeter (Twitterer?) and you have been around for at least a week, and you have at least 5 people that you are following, then you should be aware of Follow Friday.

One feature on twitter is the Hashtag, which is this: #. With this feature, you can put a hashtag in front of any word, or series of words (With no spaces) and it becomes a topic. When you want to search twitter, you can simply search for a term, or you can search for a hashtag term. So, on Follow Friday, you can search Twitter using; Follow Friday, FollowFriday, #FollowFriday, or #FF. This may seem confusing, but in a social media product which limits you to 140 characters, there are always options.

So, On Follow Friday, which is every friday, you can suggest to your followers who they might follow, according to your recommendation. If you are following me, and I suggest you follow @playpumps for example, I might post this:

@jonjohns65 Follow Friday @playpumps This company makes real change in real peoples lives. Genius, Generous, Water for Children. Follow, Donate. #FF

Now, everyone who follows me sees a snippit of a description, and my opinion as well. But best of all, I have added some keywords, such as the aforementioned Follow Friday keywords. I also left some space in the tweet (Less than the 140 character limit) for others to simply retweet my tweet.

So here is the fun part, if I am wondering who I can follow that might interest me, how can I find someone? Well, first off, on Friday, I will usually get a list of Follow Friday tweets from those whom I follow, and since I am following someone because they interest me, it is likely that I will also be interested in who they are interested in. But I can also quickly and easily search the entire twitterverse for any twitterer who has tweeted a Follow Friday posting.

In the search box I can enter any of the Follow Friday Key words, and end up with something close to 1 million tweets int he last 30 minutes. The problem here, though, is that I see Every tweet that has the keyword in it. I only want to see Follow Friday tweets for things I am interested in. So I refine my search to something like; "Follow Friday" Funny.

This should give me a list of tweets that have Follow Friday in them, and the word funny too. Which should lead me to a bunch of tweeters that are funny, according to someone. I can do the same with any keyword I want, such as; Blog, Interesting, smart, clever, movie, music.

The real issue is that folks who post twitter messages on Follow Friday tend to do it the 'wrong' way. Most often a search on Twitter for "Follow Friday" or "#FF" results in a post something like this:

@Tbryar Follow friday @_Erica_Celeste @allgoldenskies @Charliexoh @Heatharrrrgh @sydneyfamous @Killing_Zombies @cassiestein @MadiRigh

Now, at first glance, this is a lot of folks being recommended. But I know nothing about these people. The poster has entered no information for me to learn anything about why I should follow these recommendations.

There are numerous web pages out there teaching twitter memebers how to use Follow Friday 'effectively',

Mashable (http://mashable.com/) posts his article explaing a bit about Follow Friday:
http://mashable.com/2009/03/06/twitter-followfriday/

And a sort of How To here:
http://mashable.com/followfri/

This great page here shows the most popular Follow Friday mentions on twitter
http://topfollowfriday.com/

And another type of semi-official site:
http://followfridays.com/

But even with all this information out there, there are scores of Twitterers out there simply posting lists. And I think it is a very ineffective way to post. It seems to be a kind of generous thing to do to mention someone in a Follow Friday Post, but it is kind of like sending someone a postcard from your vacation with nothing written on it. It isn't enough to say I should be followed, tell them WHY I should be followed!

If you have searched, and read a few tweets suggesting you should follow someone, you should simply go to that persons twitter page, and read some of the tweets they have posted. Are these posts things you want to read? If so, give them a follow, but if not, save yourself having to un-follow them later, and give them a pass.

All in all, Follow Friday is a trend, a habit, and can easily be the highlight of someones week. And if you are influential enough, or a clever enough tweeter, a mention on a follow friday post can change someone's tweeting experience forever! Imagine if someone with 5,000 10,000 or 100,000 followers mentioned YOU to be followed on a Follow Friday! Your followers might jump from 80- 2000 in one day! And now you are not just posting about what you ate for breakfast to your friends and family, but to thousands of people you do not even know.

If online social media is truly a Vanity Faire, then this could be a fateful, and life changing event for you. Or at least, you might meet some cool people, and feel important for a while.

Finally, If you mention someone in a Follow Friday post, you yourself might gain some new followers from people searching out new tweeters to follow who find your suggestion a good one!

Other things I do on the Internet

2009-10-12T13:55:00.002-05:00

So I occasionally post a card idea up at Some E-Cards (When you care enough to hit send)

It is very fun, and funnier still to read what others post. A 'Greeting' card for even the most esoteric moment.

Check it out!

To blog, or not to blog...

2009-10-12T12:45:00.005-05:00

So I am re-vamping my 'Internet Presence' this week. Been planning and planning, and thinking on this for quite a while. My first steps are simple, changing the layouts, color schemes, and images on my Blogger/Blogspot page. In addition, I am going to try to tie in my Twitter Page (http://www.twitter.com/jonjohns65) layout, and my Facebook content. This is what I call my 'internet presence'.

In my search for better layouts, I am educating myself about how Blogger works, and all it's features. I am reading a lot more blogs from other folks (And not stealing their ideas as much as allowing myself to be inspired) checking out other folks twitter pages, and basically trying to figure out what I really want to do with my 'broadcast'.

In doing this search, I am discovering a lot of very interesting aspects of 'broadcasting oneself' and all the different approaches one can take. I made the decision a long time ago to create and be part of the internet. As far back as America Online 1.5 I was online, and figuring out rudimentary HTML and when I found GeoCities (R.I.P.) http://geocities.yahoo.com/, I found that I too could 'rant' and share and Blog, before Blog was really a common term. So I have not revisited this decision for over a decade!

I guess this is what they refer to as 'a long look in the mirror.'

So over the last year or so, I have tried to create original content by carefully (LOL) crafting a two-page at a time 'chapter' of thoughts and observances. Because I am a terrible editor, I tend to ramble, go off on tangents, and lose interest quickly. What this means is, I have a couple of folders of 'blog notes' that have never been published, and a blog page with only about one post per month. On the other hand, on Twitter, I am fairly economical, reply to others, post links, share quick thoughts, and basically micro blog. I do similar on Facebook, sharing things with friends and family, and interacting directly with folks.

So if I am doing so much more so much more often on Twitter, and Facebook, what is the problem with my Blog? (This is the long hard look part.)

I try too hard, and I don't work hard enough. I tried last year to increase my postings, and change my work habits by posting at least once per day for a week. I made it for 3 days, and then didn't post again for a month. (Exhibit A) I have at least ten unfinished blog notes on my laptop right now. (Exhibit B) I have about 350 Twitter postings over the last 3 months (Average 2+ per day?) (Exhibit C) There is the cold hard evidence of failure. This is not to mention that I share links with friends and family at least ten times per week.

So I am spinning my wheels, working harder, not smarter, and obviously have something to say. So why am I not effective at this?

I think the problem must lie in who I think I am talking to. It is a recurring theme among all the bloggers who write to 'new bloggers' "Who is your audience?"

It is also a common theme among Community College creative writing teachers, "Write What you know."

So, I suppose my original solution was correct, except that I did not use discipline to make it work. A Blog Post a day, no matter how small. About an hour per day on average dedicated to my Blog. First instinct in sharing things must be to share it on my blog first.

If I can do these things, then perhaps I can get this blog running on all 3.5 cylinders, rather than sputtering along like it has been. Add enough original content once a week or so, and I might even find some new followers!

So, if you are reading this, be patient, leave feedback, and don't be surprised if you suddenly see much much more content!

Give me Kevin Pollak and two hours, and I'll give you...

2009-10-06T01:54:00.001-05:00

Some of you may have heard of a Mr. Kevin Pollak. He is a Comedian, Actor and now Chat Show Host whom you can invite into your computer every Sunday evening.

Kevin has appeared in over 80 films and television shows (According to http://www.imdb.com), during which he has accrued a base of industry friends that would make any fanboy's jaw drop. Kevin himself claims that he would need only 2 degrees of separation to connect with any actor in the industry, past or present, unlike that hack Kevin bacon, who needs 6 degrees. With this Rolodex of industry insiders, celebrities, and 'movers and shakers', Kevin launched his own Internet Chat show in March of 2009. By his own account, Kevin 'stole' the format of his show from Charlie Rose. The Black Back drop, round table, and long conversation format would be familiar to any Charlie Rose fan, but the similarities soon dissolve after a two-hour-plus sit down including expletives, and Sexual Larry King Innuendo's.

The Long Format interview is something new to entertainment. Broadcast Television chat shows are measured in minutes, not hours, and include what is commonly known as 'pre-interviews', which tend to steer a conversation on air to hit bullet points, promote, perform, and move on. Kevin Pollak's chat show is aimed at having a 'real' conversation, and letting the guest relax, and take a tangent to an interesting conclusion.

Every Sunday evening, the show streams live from http://kevinpollakschatshow.com/, where up to a few hundred viewers can watch, and interact in a live chat room. And by interact, I mean not just with each other, but by posting interesting questions or comments, can actually help steer the conversation with the guest. Kevin welcomes input from his fan base, and outside the interactive chat room, any viewer can send questions and comments via Twitter (http://twitter.com/kevinpollak). A popular recurring question format is the "Tweet Five", where a fan can post a kind of either/or set of questions for the guest, read in rapid-fire by Kevin, and surprisingly, revealing simple, yet insightful results. This interactivity between Kevin, the fans, and the guest creates an open, fresh and very real situation that seems to put guests off at first, but as they relax becomes endearing, and makes the time special for all involved.

Although Kevin suffers from "Hey! Look at me" disease (His words), he genuinely is interested in his guests, performs his due-diligence research, and asks questions that leave the guest open to share a lot more about who they are, and what they are about, without ever making the show all about him. Its a talent that many talk-show host have, and a few that do not.

All of the prior episodes are available for free on iTunes, as both Video podcasts, and Audio-only podcasts, as well as on Youtube (http://www.youtube.com/user/kpo345). Eventually, a DVD may be created and sold to generate revenue. I highly recommend checking out a few of the episodes, find a guest that interests you, and then get hooked.

Listen to this!

2009-10-05T15:29:00.001-05:00

Have a nice day!

2009-08-22T11:39:00.002-05:00

So I have had a few really good days recently. Of course this is completely subjective. You may read about my good days, and feel sorry for me or laugh at me, or just sit in wonder. I suppose this is the same for all of us. I suppose that the days we've had leading up to the 'good ones', definitely influence the level of goodness in any given day.

Suffice it to say, my days were pretty darned good.

So I was interviewing with Target a few weeks back. Now, you may think, Target = Wal-Mart. Just about the same, with Red instead of Blue and Starbucks instead of McDonald's, and pretty Latino girls in read shirts, instead of fat white trash women in blue vests. Well, you would only be partially right. Target seems to have a great many ties to Starbucks, not only in its front end, but in its back room philosophy. So I seemed to be a perfect fit. So, I went in and filled out an electronic application, and a day later got a call for an interview. So I went in, and that day, I was in Target for five hours! I had three interviews that day, and they asked me to come back the next day, so I did. Another five hours and four interviews later, they said they would call me back. I went back a third day, and had two interviews, and they asked me to come back again. Unfortunately, by then I was working a temp job, and they could only interview me while my other job was going on. I tried to reschedule, and the one girl who was 'handling' my interview process was very very weird. She got all up in my grill, and told me I had better do whatever it takes to get out of the other job and come in for the last interview. I asked if she expected me to call in sick, or not show at my other job just to come in for an interview, and she said yes. Here's the kicker, I was working a temp job for $15 per hour, which, if hired on would make me around $16-$17 per hour, maybe more. The target job which required 8 interviews pays $9-$13 per hour. I guess an unemployed person should suck it up, but I felt very big red flags waving around, and passed.

So I was saying, one of those four or five hour days at target, I had a 45 minute wait in between interviews, and decided to go get something to eat. I had only been back in Nor Cal for a few weeks at this time, and still had many things on my list to do. The target I was interviewing at was located on Santa Rosa Blvd, and there are many other stores in that shopping center. A Best Buy, Trader Joe's, Beverages and More, Sonoma Valley Bagel, Starbucks, Old Navy, etc etc, you get the picture. There were plenty of places for me to eat, but on my short list was a $1.50 Dog and Soda from Costco. So I walked over there, and grabbed some lunch, and walked around a little, and, well, it started.

I started having a really good day. I was not yet disillusioned with Target, and was feeling pretty good about my chances there, and feeling pretty good about being asked to come back for more interviews, and I was in Northern California, and the sun was out, and I was at Costco! It just all felt right. After my Dog and Soda, I walked over to Trader Joe's, and was overwhelmed with warmth, and happiness. If you've never been in one, well, you're missing out. If you have, you know what I am talking about. I sauntered over to BevMo, and looked around at beautiful bottles of alcohol, and glassware, and snacks, and well, just wandered. That was an incredibly good day for me. It was the start of me feeling at home, and feeling like I had arrived, and feeling a calming sensation after years of anticipation.

Yesterday was kind of like that. Although not as varied. It was a work day, which for me is exciting in and of itself. A One Day Temp job, but in an office and paying pretty well too. Then, I got my first real paycheck, and drove to the bank to deposit it, and get some cash. For the last week, since I opened my Bank Account, I have had to go to the bank as if it was the 1920's or something. It takes a week or more to get an ATM or Debit card these days. (I see that changing dramatically in the next 18-24 months) So all week, if I needed gas or whatever, I had to go to the bank, which is what I did last night after work. As I was waiting in line, I was thinking about what I was hungry for. On paydays, I tend to treat myself, because in between paychecks I tend to eat bag lunches, and casserole dinners, and toast for breakfast. So I was running down the list of things I was hungry for, and came across my mental list of things I wanted to do when I got to California. Costco hotdog and Soda, CHECK, In-N-Out Burger, CHECK, Jack in the box, CHECK... What was missing? Oh, now I recall! Shangri-La Himilayan food from Cotati! Holy Crap, I missed that. So I got myself all worked up, drooling, and antsy in line waiting to cash my check. I got all that done, and drove home, wondering if my roomy might want to share in my dinner plans, but alas, he wished to eat of the Red Lobster, with a pretty girl, and see a big screen film at the cinema. I was to dine alone, and savor my experience. My roomy pointed out that I had received some Mail, and to my surprise, my bank Card had come! Now my day was starting to pick up speed!

If you have spent any amount of time without a debit or ATM card, you should know what I am talking about. There is just so much that one CANNOT do without plastic! So getting the card was like getting some freedom! I was very very excited now, and drove off towards the Tandoori place for my dinner. But as I drove on, I figured that I would need some kind of entertainment. I stopped off at Blockbuster, and looked for a film to watch, and had a pretty hard time. I grabbed something that a few people told me they liked, and as I was walking towards the checkout line I spied some Games for rent, and checked out a few.

Now, for those of you who don't play Guitar Hero, you will probably not get much of the next paragraph, heck, even you air guitar aficionados may not get it. But I have to tell you, there was really only a few songs I ever wanted to play when I bought the Guitar Hero game, and I was too dumb to realize that there were different versions of the game, and that some songs were only available on certain versions, and the complexities are just too weird to go into, suffice it to say, I have the game, and have fun playing it, but the songs I want to play have eluded me. Until I spied the game on the shelf. Guitar Hero, Smash Hits, for the PS3 has a lot of the biggest hit songs from PREVIOUS VERSIONS of the game! Al those songs I always wanted to pay from GH1, GH2, etc etc, are on the GHIII Smash hits game! I rented it, got my food, went home, and ate.

Now, if you've never had Tandoori style food, well, you are really missing out, my friend. Creamy, spicy, aromatic, flavorful, succulent. There are just not enough mouthwatering words to properly describe it. And after five years, well, the hunger pains were crippling. I savored every morsel, I sopped up every drop of gravy with fresh warm Na'an bread. I stuffed myself into near coma. Then, I remembered I had to rock out, with my socks out.

YYZ, Godzilla, Killer Queen, Freebird, Carry on my Wayward Son, More Than A Feeling, Smoke on the Water, and many more. I had a blast! With a full tummy, and exhausted air guitar skills, I got the sleepy eyelids, and ended a great day. Saturday morning here, and it just feels, I don't know. I was trying to describe to my roomie this morning how the Saturdays here just feel different. Better, I guess. It just feels good to be home.

All I wanted was a Pepsi!

2009-08-18T12:59:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I feel like a 13 year old. Not when I laugh at a fart joke, or giggle at silliness, or even when I get uncomfortable around a beautiful woman.

But like this morning, when I was reading the Sunday Paper, and although I had read all the news earlier in the week, I got to read the newspapers' analysis of the news. This is what I believe the value of print journalism is versus the Televised News Readers most Americans rely on. Sure the TV can spit out LIVE video of ongoing events taking place RIGHT NOW. But as soon as a water skiing squirrel video comes around, we're moving on, and there is no follow up. Print journalism can take a story and relate it to what's happening and continue the story to a logical conclusion, and as surprising as it sounds, there is incredibly important and valuable information out there that does not have a quick soundbite, or intriguing picture to accompany it.

So, I was reading the paper, and feeling like a child.

You see, I read some stories, and some commentaries, and editorials about these stories that made me think about how I felt about the news. This is a very god thing, because my knee jerk reaction to so many things is based upon years of acclimation to one or the other point of view. After an entire life of a two-party system, it seems that everything is politicized, and everything is one way or another. There is no gray area, there is no opportunity to feel two ways about the same subject, and if you aren't with us, you are against us. But like most Human Beings on this planet, I don't agree with every plank of either platform. I live in the gray area that the parties claim do not exist.

So I was reading the paper, and feeling like a confused tween.

There was one particular article about a Bollywood Actor, who is globally famous, who was held and questioned at an airport. He is the equivalent of say, Bruce Willis, or Clint Eastwood, but in India's movie making community, which happens to also be popular almost all over the world but here in America. Another story was about singer Bob Dylan being stopped by two local policemen in a small town where he was to perform. The two policemen were in their 20's, and had not ever heard of Dylan. In yet another story, there was further reflection on the recent kerfuffle involving an esteemed professor being pulled over simply because he was black. All these stories have to do with the fact that someone or another was not recognized, and 'news' ensued. Any one of us can fall on either side of this 'debate', whether we think the officials should have recognized the person for who they were, and the fact that they didn't is simply a refection of the decay of western civilization, or, that the unrecognized persons should realize what it is like to by like us normal simple folk, and get off their high horse. Thinking hard about these two polar opposite ends of the debate, it is hard to fit my feelings into one or the other categories. I simply feel different about each and every individual story. What I am most uncomfortable about is the way these stories and editorials are written. Whether flippant, or over-dramatic, I do not find these stories compelling enough to make me feel one way or another.

So I continued reading the paper, and felt more and more like a disinterested teen.

Much was written in the paper about the current Health Care 'debate', with one side on the offense, or better yet, behaving offensively, and the other side on the defense. One well written phrase I caught was, “Since they cannot win the debate, they pick a fight they can win...” This makes me even less enthusiastic about the whole debate, and reminds me of the election last year. For the first time in a long time, I felt like my opinion and/or vote did not count simply because I was left out of the targeting scope of either party. Both parties dedicated much time and money and energy towards winning the votes of the undecided voters, and since I was pretty well in favor of the “Anybody but...” candidate, none of my 'issues' were addressed. And this current debate is simply absurd and silly in the way it is being conducted, and in the end my cynicism leads me to believe that nothing will change either way.

So I was reading the paper, and feeling like an angst-ridden youth.

At the end of the paper are the adverts for the big chain stores. Electronics, discounts, coupons, two day only sales, no-interest for 18 months, etc etc. I flipped through these colorful well-produced advertisements, and felt a longing for things in the pictures. I felt like a manipulated consumer. I felt a deep need in my soul for small electronic devices, for name brand breakfast cereals. I felt an urgency in my gut to hurry and get to the store today, before the sale would end, and I would miss out on the 10% sale price. I felt childish when I then turned to the classified ads. Almost instantly, the glamor of the colorful ads had worn off, and I was facing the cold reality of the 11% unemployment rate, and the severe lack of employment ads in the Sunday paper. My age caught up with me, the wisdom of my lifelong experiences reminded me that the sale prices would probably be higher than what I could pay in just a couple of weeks. I recalled that I had a drawer full of unused small electronics, I remembered that I actually like the generic breakfast cereals better than the name branded ones, and that when I worked in a food plant, we put the exact same product in different packaging. (When I worked at a cheese plant, on the shred line, for an hour we filled Kraft bags with the same shredded cheese that later in the day filled the Always Save bags.) I felt like the curtain had been pulled back, and I saw the Wizard of Oz for what he was. A simple, manipulative man.

So I read the paper, and felt like a disillusioned youngster.

I finished the paper, and sipped my perfect temperature coffee, and looked up at the clear blue sky, and felt the warmth of the morning sun on my face, and instantly felt better. The newspaper had connected me with events from around the world, and opinions of many smart people. I felt informed, and somewhat educated. I felt something like a teenager might feel after getting an “A” on a test. But the feeling about the information remained unchanged. I felt discouraged, confused, and dis-interested. I wanted the benefits of being a child, and playing with toys, and watching cartoons, and spending my day being distracted, but with the freedom of a grown up to do whatever I want, whenever I want, and to not have consequences, and not have to ask for permission. I felt like I wanted the warmth of the home hearth, without the cold feeling of a lack of freedom. I discovered that this is not just something a tween-ager feels, but something many of us feel. We want the paycheck, without the job. We want the great parts of living in America, without the goofy politics. We want to be free, but we want others to follow the laws which keep us safe.

I figured out that America is chock full of teenagers, and the behavior of some reflects that. It gave new perspective to the way the world might view us. The rest of the world, which is either mature, or ancient, looking upon us as a teenage country. Waiting for us to learn that independence is not everything we naively believe it to be, and hoping that we learn it fast, before we crash the family station wagon into the neighbors living room.

Vanity Faire

2009-07-24T13:42:00.003-05:00

So I was talking with a friend of mine recently, and this friend shared with me some troubling news. Now, to be fair, I did ask this friend, “How are you?” and I did genuinely mean to know how they were. But as most of us know, there is a limit, or line, or box, which we do not enjoy straying beyond.

For example, if I were to ask Joe Blow, “How are you?” and Joe were to tell me about his terribly infected, pus-filled, greenish hued, ingrown toenails... well, we are now outside the box of common comfort. I might sincerely want to know how Joe is doing, but, hey, perhaps I should have defined what is inside, and outside the box here. Joe might have also replied that he had recently discovered a repressed memory of killing a bunch of neighborhood animals when he was a child, and had recently fantasized about having sex with old people dressed as characters from Disney films. Again, I truly do care about Joe, but there has to be a limit to what I care to know about.

I think the real issue here is not that I don't care about Joe's issues at the moment, but that I am not always prepared for a good response to this level of intimate information. How am I supposed to reply to this information? It doesn't make me as uncomfortable to hear the news Joe has to share, or even to imagine Joe and some Geriatric dressed as Goofy recreating the Kama Sutra, but rather, how Joe is going to react to my reaction to this new personal information.

So in reflection, do we ask the question because we truly care, or do we ask because we want someone to think we truly care? I suppose it depends on the relationship, right? If the person is a very intimate friend or family member, well, heck, we can talk about all kinds of things comfortably and respond without too much fear of rejection. But some random person we see at the office maybe once a month, well, let's set some ground rules; I care, but not that much.

Most of us know how to respond when asked this question, “How are you?” and we usually expect similar restraint from those of whom we ask it. How we respond to the biggies, like the aforementioned toenails, seems fairly easy, but when we step into the gray, well, I think we all have differing choices and decisions.

I think I have a problem with the 'empathy' response. I tend to try to comfort others with my own stories of how I have it it as bad, or worse, than they. Now, If I get the 'toenail' response, I usually swallow back the bit of bile which has crept up the back of my throat, and try to change the subject. If I get the sexually deviant response, I might try to steer the conversation into something even more creepy to knock my 'opponent' off guard. (Think, “Oh really? My grandpa and I used to do that.”) but when the gray area categories pop up, I instinctively tell a similar story about myself. “You dropped your Ipod into the toilet at home? I know just how you feel, once I dropped my Ipod into a Port-O-Potty at the county fair.”

So, is this a disguised one-up-man-ship competition thing? Or am I sincerely trying to make them feel better by making them realize they could have it worse? Probably a little of both. My family tends to tell horror stories like other people talk about, well, whatever it is that normal people talk about. One time, I was at home getting ready for work, and a family member of mine called me and told me they had just heard about some guy somewhere who had backed out of his driveway and run over, and subsequently crushed to death, his 3 year old child. My family's way of saying, “Hi, How are you?” I guess I could accept this, if, say, I had a bad habit of backing up without looking, or, maybe, I had a driveway. But since I had neither, my mind struggled with trying to figure out why this information, upon reflection, was connected to me in my family members mind, and why they felt compelled to immediately call me and share this information with me. This kind of horror story sharing is an age-old pastime at my family gatherings. Some of my siblings take great efforts to share the worse case scenario with everyone upon hearing the seemingly most inane bit of news. Once, a family member commented that it was so cute how little tykes walk almost as if they were drunk, which gained this response; “Lots of kids start to show signs of polio at that age, and look like they can't walk right. It's a very serious thing, and you should have that child tested for polio.” Imagine the look upon the face of the person making an “Oh, that's so cute!” comment about babies walking, and getting this tragic horror story as a response.

So it should be no mystery where I get my replies from. “You lightly burned your shin on your motorcycle? Wow, that's too bad, I knew this guy, who read about this guy who had his leg amputated because his leg got infected after receiving fourth degree chemical burns in an explosion at work. You should probably get that looked at, maybe get a prescription for penicillin or something. And don't rule out amputation, if the infection spreads to your brain, you could go insane and have to have a lobotomy.”

The empathy part, I am truly at a loss for where it comes from. I guess I want to really care a lot, and most of the time, I really do, but do not know how to reply. It might be the Capricorn in me that feels a simple reply, “You burned your leg? Sorry about that, it must hurt.” is just not enough. I am working on it, though. I have a running dialogue in my own head that keeps saying “SHUT UP!!!” over and over and over.

Combine the Empathy response, and the horror response, and, well, you get, me. I tend to exaggerate, I tend to be sarcastic, I tend to try to one-up people, I try to be the class clown, and draw attention away from your tragedy, and towards my comedy. “You spilled your coffee? Once I dropped an entire Mocha container on the floor at Starbucks, it splashed all over me, and had enough velocity to hit the ceiling! It left a stencil-like oval outline of my head, though, on the ceiling. It took me like two hours to clean it up.” Why can't I just say something simple, like, “Wow, that kinda sucks.”

It is almost like I am looking for an opportunity to 'perform'. It makes me wonder if there are members of my family with a virtual Rolodex of stories waiting for the right story to be told, so that they can pull out the proper response card. It also makes me wonder if they have poorly titled these cards, or have perhaps lowered the standards of relatability. “You tripped on one of your kids' toys, and almost fell down the stairs? I read about a kid who made Kool-Aid with salt instead of sugar...”

Either way, I know where I get my influences, I know I have tried to moderate my own empathy/horror responses, I know when I ask “How are you?” I mean it, because when I don't really care how you are, I'll just say “Hey, 'sup?” I know I will always feel my responses are inferior, and I know I will always try to make the other person feel better, somehow.

And I promise, right here, right now: I will try to hide my eye-rolling from you, when I hear your toenail story.

Get a haircut... and get a real job!

2009-07-23T21:53:00.000-05:00

I was recently discussing the idea of Job Versus Vocation with a friend of a friend. Most of us have jobs, which pay the bills, and eat 40+ hours per week of our precious time. Very few of us apply our efforts towards a vocation, which continually fills our respective cups, while spilling the precious fluids of art/science/spirituality onto those around us.

I have almost exclusively held jobs my entire life. From my first job as a clerk in a five & dime, to grocery store clean-up guy, all the way up to coffee shop manager and International Customer Service Representative or an Internet Service Provider. My favorite job description was when I was in the U.S. Army national Guard, as a Platoon Leader for the Heavy Duty Road Construction Equipment. “Earth Moving Platoon Leader.” This was also the closest I ever came to having any kind of Vocation, as I was a leader of men, who could potentially go off into combat and die at my order. That kind of immense responsibility required a little ore than 9 to 5 hours, and 'leaving the office at the door'. It also provided a great deal of personal rewards, in that I was able to see both physical and professional improvement that I was directly involved in influencing.

For those of us who don't have any kind of full time vocation, we are constantly feeling the suck of a job that is leaching the life fluids out of our respective cups, and constantly struggling to refill that life-blood with, whatever makes our boats float. For some it is family, or exercise, or eXtreme adventure, travel or spiritual journey. Sometimes it is a hobby, from Civil War Re-enactment, to cross-stitching kitten calendars, whatever helps us shed the slimy film of the suck off our souls, and escape to whatever Ponce De Leon was looking for to refill his cup. On occasion, we all must take a break from the career we are mired in, and take on a less taxing position in order to be better able to 'leave it at the door', and use our weekly pay checks to finance our excursions to the Precious Moments Cathedral, or the Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota. Or feed our hobbies, or fill our coffers, or do whatever it takes to reduce the rate at which corporate America is suckling our cups dry.

This vicious cycle occasionally has the effect of creating a cynical spiral of despair, which funds our global pharmaceutical conglomerates, and makes for some interesting escapes from reality. It also tends to make some of us look hard into the mirror and ask, “Who are you, ad what did you do with my childhood?”

The real balance of life comes when we find something that we love to do, and a job which finances that. Those few that get paid to do something they might do for free anyway, are rare and lucky people, and most of them know it. The rest of us are eternally appearing on Ed Sullivan's stage, balancing spinning plates for a giggling audience, with occasional applause, mixed with sporadic expressions of 'Oh, shit!'

I am at a point in my life where I am ready to have a simple job which finances the refilling of my cup, and just past the cynical part, where I found the cup to be neither half-full, nor half-empty, but simply twice as big as it needed to be. I am preparing for a big move away from my hometown, back to my adopted village, and find myself seeking a job which will not tax me too much nor suck the life out of my soul, and plan on pouring my energy into staring a newer simpler life, and expressing my creative self through writing.

My good friend Dave (http://yenzen.blogspot.com/) recently expressed his interest in continuing his excursion into blogging, knowing full well that it may not be either profitable, or even wide-read for that matter. My feeling is that it doesn't matter. A good artist does not create for others, but for himself/herself.

Trippin'

2009-07-23T21:49:00.002-05:00

So I've arrived in Northern California, and much happened en route. As cross country trips go, this was either very typical, or simple a typical trip for me.

Some notable events:

1) I had two, yes TWO, flat tires along the way. The first was about an hour away from home, and the second was about an hour from my destination. Both times sucked.
2) Truck stops suck. They are busy, dirty, and filled with dirty selfish truck drivers.
3) who Somewhere in Arizona, A young woman was wandering around the Fuel islands, asking for a ride. I said I couldn't, because I was going to wrong way, and didn't have any room. As I was fueling the Van, I looked over and saw a guy pull out a badge, and pull out a gun, and yell at her to get on the ground. Either Hitchhiking is a serious offense, or she solicited him. So why didn't she solicit me?
4) I slept in the bench seat of the van for several nights. Smelling Diesel fumes, and listening to that familiar Engine Rattle as the trucks around me idled all night.

All in all it was a safe trip, with a few speed bumps. I got to listen to a few books on tape, spent some quality time with my self, saw some pretty cool things along the way. Speaking of which...

When I originally moved out to California, I flew, so, in about 6 hours I went from Missouri to the Bay Area, and was introduced to a beautiful very much 'alive' place. When I moved back to Missouri, I got to spend several days with my son, which was incredible, but we were driving with a purpose, that being, to get back ASAP. We got to spend an hour or so at the Grand Canyon, stopped off at the Great Meteor Crater, but otherwise, saw everything thru the windshield. My trip this time, I had time, and I took advantage of it, well, as soon as I got through Oklahoma, and Texas. As soon as I crossed the border into New Mexico, I stopped at the Welcome Center, and took a nap in the sun. It was glorious. I got to see the high desert, I went thru the Mojave Desert, and saw long dead Volcano's, and lava flows, painted deserts, petrified forests, cacti, and many other things. So as for the tourist part of the trip, I got to enjoy that.

Upon arrival to the bottom of the San Joaquin Valley, and driving onto the 5, I finally felt like I was home again.

I've arrived back, and am spending time in Rohnert Park with my best friend, and feel very familiar with all the streets, and businesses, and trees, and even the sky feels so different from Missouri. I found an Ice Scraper in my trunk while unpacking, and almost laughed. Won't need that any longer!

If it wasn't for the generosity of my friends and family, the support of many others, I would not be here. Big thanks to all of you. I will do my best to repay you, I will do my best to create a life for myself here. I am happy, calm, and feel 'in place', even though I am staying with a friend until I get my own place. My challenges are before me, but I feel like I have reached a huge goal, and feel successful.

Thanks again to everyone out there who have supported me in the relocation! I appreciate you!

Class Clowns

2009-06-02T15:49:00.002-05:00

I haven't posted in a long while. Haven't really written in a long time. What with the social networking, tweeting, cell-phone texting... it seems as though there is less and less need to write out long diatribes on the ins and outs of daily life. Although I suppose there are folk out there not tapped into my daily ramblings enough to demand some kind of up-to-date posting. But I don't think I ever used this venue to post day-to-day stuff anyway.

So then, why have I not posted? It seems I post when there is loneliness, depression, or basically when I find no one else listening. But that is no basis for a blog. I might as well become EMO, and cry on my video blog on You Tube.

My Friend Dave over at YenZen recently blogged about the tiresome habit of some folks interjecting themselves into social networks for the purpose of 'performing' for others. I attribute this to group-behavior, and peer pressure, and performance anxiety. It seems when we are connecting IRL, 1-on1, we tend to behave differently than when we are in a crowd of friends. I know Guys do this, because rarely do we see a video clip on Youtube of only one person jumping a Big-Wheel off a skateboard ramp with rockets attached. Inevitably, there is a crowd of nere-do-well onlookers, egging the imbecile on to hopefully crack his skull open on the pavement, or set his hair on fire. You might also notice a person of adolescent age behaving in ways his mother might not approve of when surrounded by those peers of his. Bad language, and other inappropriate behavior is often only seen when one is trying to 'perform' for those around him. Which is what this whole social networking thing seems to be all about. Posting a comment is rarely seen as something only between two folk, but rather as a chance to be seen not only by your friends, but by all the friends of the person whose wall you're posting on. The show must go on, right?

My point is that the current social networking situation, on Myspace, Facebook, and other sites, is only occasionally used for actual networking. It is more often used to perform on a 'global' stage, and represents a movement in our modern society not seen ten years ago. Talk about the ultimate reality show. Truman had nothing on this. Andy Warhol must be clapping like a giggly pee monkey seeing everyones fifteen minutes of fame being used up on youtube, and in clipped semi-witty comments on Facebook wall posts. It was inevitable. We made it this way, so we cannot really complain.

The hurt and confusion comes easily in this format, though, which often causes much stress in friendships. When one person believes they have stumbled into open-mike night at the Ha-Ha Hole, but they have actually stumbled into the confessional at the local church of the social blog, well, feelings are bound to get hurt. It only makes it much worse when the comedian blames the overly-sensitive confessor for not understanding the 'rules' of social networking according to the 'performers'. The rule, they claim, is that when exposing yourself, either physically, or emotionally, on the Internet, you are opening yourself up to potential ridicule, or criticism. Not very friendly behavior.

But then, are we speaking of our true friends here? Or our social friends? No real friend would make fun of you or criticize you, right? Well, actually they do, it just is not often in front of a live studio audience. Which leads us into the privacy of the Internet...

Do any of us have any privacy anymore? Well, yes, we close the door to the bathroom, or at east the door to the apartment, or house. We do close the blinds or drapes when having sex, mostly. But our phone calls can easily be intercepted and recorded, by something as innocent as a baby monitor. But most often, we overhear every other persons phone call around us, because they don't care about their own privacy, or they expect us to shut our ears, as if they would do the same. And as for what we do on the Internet, well, that is the wild west, my friend. No privacy except for the occasional secured bank account, credit card, and if one is quite clever, one erases the history from his browser. So the question then becomes, if we are choosing to post our life on a social networking site, how much privacy can we reasonably expect? I think for those who are concerned, there should be two facebook pages, one for friends we share everything with, and one for friends who we want to be seen with, but who we don't want to share with. Actually, a clever person can configure Facebook to do this already. But it is kind of a lot of trouble, and it basically melts down to categorizing, and ranking friends, which is a thorny endeavor at best. Worse because, in real life, friends usually recognize their place in your life, and don't normally mind, but again, the Social Networking sites are a stage created by us, designed for our own performance, and as all performers know, there are three critics for every performer out there.

What is the solution? I have very few ideas. But here they are:

Get over yourself. You chose to post your life on the Internet, in a forum open to all, or at least open to those you chose to let see it. Accept your criticism with dignity, and honor the forum.
Stay off the Internet. Or at least out of the aforementioned forums. If you are going to open your life to the world, be prepared to be seen, read, heard, and just as you are quick to lend your opinions, others will lend theirs. Accept others as they are. Any good actor knows, don't read the reviews.
Own your world. This one is difficult, but should produce the best results. Where ever you choose to express yourself, make it happen on your terms. If you paint, choose a gallery where you have a lower chance of being ridiculed. If you sing, perform in an environment where you will be ridiculed less (Karaoke anyone?) If you choose to blog, or become a member of a social networking site, control what you can. Don't 'friend' people who are prone to using you as a punch-line-pinata, control your wall postings, and accept no dis-respect. If someone posts something disrespectful, well, there may be a first amendment allowing free speech, but seriously, would you allow your child to behave that way? Your facebook page is your house, and even though one wall of that house is glass, it is still your house. Own it.

My best advice, though, is still the same as it was back in the olden days, treat others as you wish to be treated. Think about yourself saying something wildly inappropriate, but without malicious intent. How would you like to be treated in that case? Follow your own advice, and behave appropriately.

This all seems like a like of trouble, just in order to stay connected with people from all over the world. There is a reason that in our daily and weekly lives, we do not actually interact with 100+ friends. It is a lot of work. Just having lunch with that many people would require over three months. Social networking is not to replace our interactions with friends, but rather a way to stay in touch passively. Once one gets active in it, well, it is kind of defeating the purpose of the whole thing, isn't it? Spending two to four hours per week on Facebook just reading up on everyone else's happenings, and posting taking points, information, and comments sounds reasonable. But anything more than that could be a waste of energy. You could spend the wasted time calling a friend, or actually going to lunch!

I'm pretty passive on the Facebook, choosing to share things I find on the Internet, and posting minimal information, but mostly reading other folks postings and making comments. I try to not be offensive, but often find myself trying to post something funny. Since I am a bit of a class clown. I try not to take things too personally, and try to enjoy it for what it is, and try hard to have a big full life outside the site that fulfills my need for attention.

When I want to type a long diatribe, I choose this blog to vent!

Are you my vocation?

2009-05-10T18:54:00.005-05:00

I was recently discussing the idea of Job Versus Vocation with a friend of a friend. Most of us have jobs, which pay the bills, and eat 40+ hours per week of our precious time. Very few of us apply our efforts towards a vocation, which continually fills our respective cups, while spilling the precious fluids of art/science/spirituality onto those around us.

I have almost exclusively held jobs my entire life. From my first job as a clerk in a five & dime, to grocery store clean-up guy, all the way up to coffee shop manager and International Customer Service Representative for an Internet Service Provider. My favorite job description was when I was in the U.S. Army National Guard, as a Platoon Leader for the Heavy Duty Road Construction Equipment. “Earth Moving Platoon Leader.” This was also the closest I ever came to having any kind of Vocation, as I was a leader of men, who could potentially go off into combat and die at my order. That kind of immense responsibility required a little more than 9 to 5 hours, and 'leaving the office at the door'. It also provided a great deal of personal rewards, in that I was able to see both physical and professional improvement that I was directly involved in influencing.

For those of us who don't have any kind of full time vocation, we are constantly feeling the suck of a job that is leaching the life fluids out of our respective cups, and constantly struggling to refill that life-blood with, whatever makes our boats float. For some it is family, or exercise, or eXtreme adventure, travel or spiritual journey. Sometimes it is a hobby, from Civil War Re-enactment, to cross-stitching kitten calendars, whatever helps us shed the slimy film of the suck off our souls, and escape to whatever Ponce De Leon was looking for to refill his cup. On occasion, we all must take a break from the career we are mired in, and take on a less taxing position in order to be better able to 'leave it at the door', and use our weekly pay checks to finance our excursions to the Precious Moments Cathedral, or the Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota. Or feed our hobbies, or fill our coffers, or do whatever it takes to reduce the rate at which corporate America is suckling our cups dry.

This vicious cycle occasionally has the effect of creating a cynical spiral of despair, which funds our global pharmaceutical conglomerates, and makes for some interesting escapes from reality. It also tends to make some of us look hard into the mirror and ask, “Who are you, and what did you do with my childhood?”

The real balance of life comes when we find something that we love to do, and a job which finances that. Those few that get paid to do something they might do for free anyway, are rare and lucky people, and most of them know it. The rest of us are eternally appearing on Ed Sullivan's stage, balancing spinning plates for a giggling audience, with occasional applause, mixed with sporadic expressions of 'Oh, shit!'

I am at a point in my life where I am ready to have a simple job which finances the refilling of my cup, and just past the cynical part, where I found the cup to be neither half-full, nor half-empty, but simply twice as big as it needed to be. I am preparing for a big move away from my hometown, back to my adopted village, and find myself seeking a job which will not tax me too much nor suck the life out of my soul too fast, and plan on pouring my energy into starting a newer simpler life, and expressing my creative self through writing.

My good friend Dave (http://yenzen.blogspot.com/) recently expressed his interest in continuing his excursion into blogging, knowing full well that it may not be either profitable, or even wide-read for that matter. My feeling is that it doesn't matter. A good artist does not create for others, but for himself/herself. In the end, we ourselves are responsible for the rate at which our cup both fills and empties.

Who watched the Watchmen?

2009-03-16T14:43:00.001-05:00

I feel somewhat obligated to write about the film WATCHMEN.

The graphic novel was one of the few that I read first, and what turned me onto both Comic books, and graphic novels in the first place. It introduced me to a new form of literature, and a new world of imagination. It set the bar pretty high right off the bat, though, and ever since, nothing has quite compared.

I've re-read the book several times over the years, and it seems every time I find another layer buried in the story, another depth to the alliteration. I believe that this layering is what both makes the book great, and doomed the film from the start.

On the surface, the book reads almost like a film storyboard. As it flows from scene to scene, it draws you in by is movement. And this movement, I think, tapped into the imagination of the generation it was written for like nothing that had been written and/or drawn up to that time. I think many comic books attempt to draw action and movement by capturing a frame of the movement, and giving you the opportunity to imagine the just-before, and just-after, where as in Watchmen, the frames are drawn for you. Basically, most comic books read like photographs, and the Watchmen reads like a motion picture.

This seems like it would translate tot he screen quite easy, and honestly, the film felt like it was scene for scene, right off the pages of the book. In that sense, the film was brilliant. But the depth, and layering came from the words, and can't quite translate to the screen, just like any book has a hard time translating to the screen.

The great thing about any book is that we get to 'see' whats happening in our own imagination. We visualize the characters as they are described to us by the authors, and our own memories and experiences color the people and places. If a New England Summer is written in a book, we each imagine what that may look like and feel, and for me, never having visited the place, I am left imagining what I've seen in pictures, and how my own Summers felt in the mid-west. Seeing a 'New England Summer' on the movie screen, I am sure a Director would include scenes of Ice Cream trucks with little sweaty kids all around holding up their dollars for a push-up, old men on porches, with panting dogs, and the sounds of insects buzzing in the air. These images on the screen relay the heat of the moment, and 'set the scene' for us. But in a book, you see the kids I just described as kids you imagine seeing, and on the screen, the director casts the kids, and we don't get to, or have to imagine much. Sometimes, what we imagine, and what the director interprets conflict, and we are disappointed. I was not disappointed by how the director imagined the Watchmen.

But a graphic novel that requires a good 6-8 hours to really read and absorb just doesn't make a great translation to the big screen, even in three hours.

To relate another idea of mine, if Comic books are like photographs, and the Watchmen is a motion picture, I guess I would have to say it is more like a black and white silent movie. I can't imagine someone remaking a Charlie Chaplin Black and White silent film into a High-Definition, wide-screen, Computer-animated Film. It sure would make it look great, but it just wouldn't translate. Partly because it would just give us too much, and partly because the brilliance of Chaplin was creating what he created within the boundaries of the medium he had. There is evidence of this already in existence, for when Chaplin made 'talkies' they weren't as successful as his older silent films. The boundaries, in this case, though, are opposite, in that the three hour epic Watchmen film is limited by the boundaries, and the graphic novel is only limited by our imagination.

Welcome Back, Blogger!

2009-03-16T14:42:00.000-05:00

I've recently been re-connected to the Internet, and thought I'd share some thoughts on both that experience, and the time I spent dis-connected.

In my lifetime, I have witnessed much. When I was born, we had not yet walked on the moon. This is interesting, that I choose this event as a capstone event in my life, interesting because in the lives of many, this event is a non-event. Although I was a toddler at the time the space-race occurred, during my formative years it was a defining event. My toys, television shows, and mass media all had a taste of the space race and I grew up with it all around me. My son was born before the Information Superhighway was really built and in effect, but I am sure it will be a defining moment throughout his life as the space race was with mine.

I heard about the Internet the way most people heard about it, from the then Vice-President, Al Gore, describing an Information Super-Highway transporting Information, Commerce, and Entertainment across the world, and into our homes. Cell-Phone Technology at the time was not well developed, and I don't think many folks envisioned watching Television on their phones, let alone, watching You-Tube videos, then posting comments to their Facebook page from their phones.

I was soon enamored with the idea of connecting to the rest of the world, and soon purchased some cruddy Computer-related magazine, simply because it came with a free 1.44MB diskette attached with a free membership to COMPUSERVE. I used a computer in my home to connect to the Internet for as little as $9.95 per month, and $.10 per minute, and 'surfed' whatever I could find. It was mostly porn and adverts, with a few creepy chatrooms here and there, and when the membership dwindled, I switched to America Online. Not much cheaper, but hundreds of thousands of more people in the creepy chatrooms. And actually a lot more content.

A few years later, I built my first computer, I got a DSL line, and I got real access to the internet, and since then, I have been connected with E-mail, chatrooms, bulletin boards, and everything else. I have 'had a presence' on the internet, and until recently, been connected either daily, or at least 5 times per week.

So, being disconnected has been an experience.

I didn't spend my time 'doing better things', or spending more time with family and friends, or 'getting outside' more often. When I was connected before, I spent more time being connected with friends and family, I actually had more time to spend 'in real life' with people, and outside, and I felt, well, more informed. Being without the connection left me feeling disconnected with the world. More alone, less expressive, out of touch, ill-informed, and the time I spent going to public libraries to get a short connection felt like a waste of time.

Some folks I know were talking about giving up technology for lent. I thought about that, and wondered what they do with their technology that makes them feel it is a wasteful thing that they should give up? I suppose online gambling, shopping, and dumb surfing is a waste of time, but I spend my time online connecting with people, and giving that up seems like something bad to do for lent.

As my finances ebb and flow, I may be disconnected again in the future, and have to revert to accessing the Internet from free public sources again. But while I am reconnected for now, I will enjoy my connection with the outside world, and feel less as if I am trapped on a deserted island, and more like I am part of something bigger, better, and more involved, and informed.

It's good to be back.

you can pry my keyboard from my cold, dead fingers...

2008-11-20T14:59:00.001-06:00

I was considering the Second Amendment recently. I saw an episode of Thirty Days last spring, where a woman from a large city who had a friend who was a victim of gun violence went to the rural areas of America to live with a man and his son, who were both gun advocates. I learned a little about both sides of the argument, but not really enough to understand what is behind the ideas of more gun freedom.

I honestly try to understand the 'other side' of the debate about gun control. I ask a very few people around these parts about it, but it is a dangerous idea to bring up, almost as bad as abortion. But I really want to understand the basics behind the whole thing. I never get anything but regurgitated sound bites from most people, as if they don't even understand the situation or consequences themselves. Most often, the idea is that there are some people out there who want to 'take away' peoples guns. I think that is mostly an NRA preaching point. I've never heard anyone say that anyone wants to take away anyones guns, but I have heard much about restricting the sale of some guns, and that has successfully happened in many places around the country. I have also understood that a handgun can be purchased, but it requires a three-day waiting period. This is also a pretty common thing across our country.

So I would like to start the debate, or questionnaire off with this stuff. It has already passed a majority of the country, is already law in many places, and is commonly accepted. So why do some people think it is dangerous? My idea is that they think is it just a preamble of sorts, leading to more and more, and if an inch is given, and mile is not too far behind. If they can return the laws to the way they were before, they are back at a more even position in the 'tug of war'. But what I want to know is where is their end point? What does complete success look like to them, and why do they want it that way, and what do they believe gives them or anyone the rights to have that level of success?

There are a lot of questions there, but I am truly curious. Does complete success look to them like this; Anyone, anywhere in the United States can buy any kind of weapon without any identification, or waiting period, and use these weapons for any use they want to? As absurd as that sounds, their theory is that if everyone can have them, then the criminals will think twice about using one. A single armed robber in a bank only has to contend with one other armed person in the room, the guard. If the same robber considered that there may be twelve other concealed weapons in the room, he would think twice about it. Which is, all by itself, a reasonable argument. But expanded, it means an armed public, and it means that if you don't mow your lawn on the day your neighbor thinks you should, you could easily be shot for it.

The second question before was, why do they want society to be like that? I think it is that they just don't want anyone telling them what they can and cannot do. I think there is a small minority in the U.S. That thinks that freedom means that each individual in the country is free to do whatever they want, and no one anywhere, at any time can tell them otherwise. Freedom means just that. But because that is a little on the fringe, they use issues, and preach fear to get a larger group of individuals to lean their way. I might tell a room of twenty people that I think everyone should be free to do whatever they want, and everyone looks cross-eyed at me, but when I start laying out a fictitious hypothetical out on the floor, people start to listen. If I start by saying that if the government is the only people allowed to have guns, then the government can do whatever it wants to, and what the founders wished for couldn't possibly happen. Our forefathers wanted us to be able to change our government any way we wanted to, every 2-4 years. If, just for example, the populace wanted to have communism as its dominant party, we could elect a communist government, but if after 2 years, we decided that it was ludicrous, we could easily vote for republicans or democrats to fill the House, and then 2 years later, vote for a president of a different party. But, if the government decided not to let us have our way, we could gather arms against that government, and revolt. Without freedom of arms, we would be defenseless. So therefore, it was put as the very second thing the forefathers decided on, the right to bare arms.

Now the room starts to listen more intently, and people say that that guy is crazy, but he has a point. The he starts talking about hunting, and fishing, and in reality, in some parts of our country, hunting is not just for sport, but for both sustenance, and defense. Try fighting off a grizzly bear in Alaska with a taser, or an air horn. Sure either might work once, but if the bear starts to charge, it would be nice to have a high-powered rifle next to you to keep the bear away from your children.

This is how I believe the minority gets more and more followers on its side. With fear, and hypothetical situations.

But it doesn't really answer my question. What do they think gives them the right? Well, the Second Amendment does. But in its own vagary, it is interpreted in many different ways. And although the founders probably thought it was actually quite clear, they did leave us a system which could amend, and interpret for the future. Currently, our rational leadership in government also believes that you should be able to protect your child from a grizzly bear, so that hypothetical doesn't hold water. The government also supports hunting and fishing, it even has a Cabinet level position in charge of it all, the Department of Interior, and we are also taxed and regulation on our hunting to insure both safety, and the support of the wildlife for future generations. True hunters and fishermen are some of the most fervent conservationists in our country. So then, it must be in the interpretation.

It must be that they actually think that every man woman and child should be able to own the same kind of weaponry as the government, including tanks, and nuclear weapons. Sound outrageous, but I think that is what the extreme minority believes, and have spread their virus of theory out to parts of the mainstream. The problem that the minority understands, and we all should, is that the types of people who sway their way are uneducated, and just don't understand anything but what they are told. And if there are only extremists telling them what is what, then that is what they believe.

If those twenty people in the room heard an opposing view, and saw evidence that the Bear attacking children idea does not hold water, they would hesitate, and that might be the only thing we need to push the minority back down.

I think everyone should be able to own any legal gun. I think our state, and federal governments should listen to us, and represent our feelings as well, if the majority of us want AK-47's, then so be it. If we decide that is too extreme, we can vote them out in two years, and get a new law passed. I think a three day waiting period is reasonable. A gun is an item which requires a great amount of responsibility to both own and use, and if you are too irresponsible to plan ahead, maybe you should reconsider owning that .357 Magnum. Around here, it is hunting season, and people of all types go out into the woods and look for a legal deer to shoot, and then have processed, and eat. Parents and children bond during this time, gun safety, and conservationism is passed down the generations, lessons about life and death are learned. The mass majority of hunters follow the existing laws, and enjoy this time of year, and recall with great joy previous seasons. But the fringe minority goes out driving their big trucks, spotlighting deer, and shooting them with fully automatic machine guns, and taint the entire situation.

I don’t think it is a time for more gun control, but it might be an opportune time to educate the masses about what the second amendment really means to us.

What Would Republican Jesus Do?

2008-11-15T09:56:00.001-06:00

SO I am here in the library, it is early in the morning, and the internet access here is as slow as n old 33.3 modem. In addition, my Facebook is slow this morning too, because, well, Facebook is just slow sometimes, it just seems to happen whenever I need it to be fast.

I have been trying to load Blogspot up for about twenty minutes, and chances are I will not even be able to post this today.

Being out of touch is one thing I can deal with, as long as I can quickly and readily get onto the Interweb Superhighway fairly easily, and quickly. But alas, for my sins, this is my reward.

What I would have loved to write about today is the fact that the uber-conservatives in our country are making threats against our president elect, as well as us, the liberal, and mainstream citizens. It seems that the last time these conservatives were in the ‘minority’ (In the 90’s) they learned a thing or two about bullying, and while getting Bush 2 elected, they learned the power of intimidation thru fear.

As I watched Frontline this past week, and learned more about Lee Atwater, and even more about the Republican Party, I felt a certain sickness deep inside me. I am not so naïve that I don’t understand that all political parties are corrupt to a point, but when the corruption seeps into the citizens that align themselves with the party, it is less like a movement, and more like a virus.

What really made me think today about all this was the idea that neither their fears, nor their hopes have come true. When the ‘Liberals’ are in charge, there are not free abortions happening every five minutes in a drive-thru like McDonalds, and pretty much, the country does just fine. But worse than that, when they hold sway in the entire government, nothing on their platform comes true either! The Supreme Court holds a very thin majority of conservatives, Roe v Wade is not overturned, and our country is worse off than it was 8 years ago. Their excuse? “The Republican Party lost it’s way…” “The guys we elected before, well, they turned out to be bad guys, and now its time we elected some good guys, because now, well, now we know what to do.”

And the thing is about it all, they are not trying to convince us, or even the mainstream. They are using threats, and intimidation, and drawing lines in the sand. Basically bullying us towards their side, rather than convincing. But I guess a liberal pinko communist would try to convince, and I guess that is not how Americans do things. We know what’s right, and if you are not with us, well, you’re against us.
The threats against Catholics in some parts of the country by their own parish priests is pretty sickening. Using a Holy Sacrament as a weapon is sinful. And dragging any religious group into politics is pretty awful as well. Religious groups or individuals talking about policies is great, and useful in our society, but bringing individual believes in faith into our government is dangerous, and irresponsible.

Anyway, if I had more time, I would have wrote about all that, but my time is up, and I must run off to feed the drunks their peppermint snappes, and send the hunters off to kill deer while their guzzle their cheap bourbon.

Wish me well!

Hope Floats

2008-11-12T09:28:00.001-06:00

So at work on Sundays, I am alone for the whole 9 hour shift, and I get to choose my own music on that day, thank goodness. I choose a local 'oldies' station, that plays more often than not, early 80's popular music. That is not to say they play 'pop' music, they do, of course, but they play lots of variety, including Ozzy Osborne, Journey, Phil Collins, and lots of other stuff. It is a good mix of music I heard going through puberty, mostly. ( anything from 7th grade, to my college years)

Sunday, mixed in with the Kiss, Ozzy, and Whitesnake, were a lot of tired old love songs. R.E.O. Speedwagon, (Jefferson) Starship, Hall & Oats, you get the idea. And as I was listening, it occurred to me that I was getting the same sick feelings I sometimes get listening to the country stuff usually at work.

My inevitable conclusion was that I was sick of listening to love songs, no matter if the guitar were hanging over the shoulders of the tired rocker in spandex, or laying on its back below the cowboy with the steel slide.

I cannot possibly imagine what it must be like to be lost at sea. I have seen movies, just like you, and seen some television documentaries, and re-enactments. But to really look into myself, I just cannot fathom how hopeless and terrifying that must be, Sailing along, happy, with the wind in your hair, free, with a clear direction, supplies for a predetermined length of the trip, safety gear, radios, you understand, floating along, with all the stuff that makes you feel safe. Safe enough, at least, to enjoy the feeling of being out at sea, not necessarily alone, with a direction in mind, but with the freedom to change direction on a whim. I imagine you have someone with you, someone you chose carefully, knowing that you would be with this person alone at sea for a long period of time, someone who you trust implicitly, care for deeply, someone you want to share the experience with. You've chosen someone you want to take a long journey with.

Suddenly, you are alone. Grasping desperately to a life saver, several feet lower than you were before, now you cannot see half as far as you could while on deck. No supplies, no survival gear, panic and fear coursing through your veins, pulsing at your temples. But after the first night and day, the adrenaline rush has worn you out physically and emotionally, and you are trying desperately to get your own mind back, your ability to reason, and think things through to a natural conclusion is evasive, and you struggle to keep a thought in your head long enough to reason it through. At every turn, your mind races with fear, sharks, fresh water, food, rescue, your shipmate.

Chances are, you know whats happened to your shipmate. As you replay the event in your head, there is so much you don't know. You were awakened suddenly, there were panicked screams of desperation, water was everywhere it shouldn't be, there was no power on the boat, the seas were rough, there were only a dozen seconds to get what you could get, and get off the sinking vessel before it sank, and took you with it. As you reach the deck, you see your shipmate impaled by the mast, then blown overboard. Survival instinct take over your most basic functions, and you try desperately to grab what gear you can, and get off the ship, or else it will drag you to the depths.

But the next morning, you find yourself with nothing but your pajama pants, and a donut shaped life preserver, and 5000 miles of ocean between you and anything.

Feeling that alone, confused, and panicked, I cannot imagine, feeling desperate to survive, but with a nagging need to find something you can control, even if it is the way you shall die. Feeling your whole life torn away from you, everything you hold dear, everything you planned, and prepared for, ripped away from you, with no real explanation, with your inherent need to survive on your mind, but your conscious trying hard to relive the situation over and over again.

I cannot imagine what that must be like for the survivor of a boating accident at sea, but I can imagine what it is like for someone to lose their relationship with someone else, and feel like their very life has been torn away, all their plans turned to nothing more than floating debris, and the very act of survival day to day turned into a fight with ones own mind over its desperation to find meaning in what happened. Having arguments inside ones own head, that I can imagine. Fighting every minute of every day the minds wish to think about one thing, and knowing that the need to think of something else is more important. These things I can imagine, because I have dealt with them.

I think listening to the country music brings thought into my head of a more recent nature, and the songs of my younger days seem to bring on every failed relationship I had in high school and college.

It actually probably has nothing to do at all with the music, but my mind is just dwelling on these things, and the songs seem to be some sick idea of theme music. All I can say about that is that when I am at home alone, and trying not to think of these things, I listen to music that distracts my mind from these thoughts, and it works.

My guess is that every 'love song' ever written somehow can connect to some person, who feels the lyrics replay in their own minds feeling they once had for someone else. At least the most popular songs do this, which is why they become so widely popular on the first place .And I imagine everyone has felt as lost as the sailor at sea feels. Alone, torn away from their own lives, struggling inside their own heads to 'get over it', stop 'dwelling on it', but helpless to change it.

I think everyone deals with these life situations differently, some with blame, or hate, some with a need for revenge, others with deep sorrow, regret, pain, and disconnection. I think we all go through stages, denial, acceptance, etc etc.

The pain of a lost relationship is probably nothing like the pain of being lost at sea, the similarities end right after the word 'lost'. But while the person is in the midst of dealing with their own struggling mind, no pain in the world can compare. I think we all go through this when we're young, when we first break up, and at thirteen, or fifteen, or eighteen years old, it seems no one has ever felt the pain we feel, nothing in life could ever be worse that what we're going through, and no one could possibly understand how we feel. As we grow older, and gain some maturity, we understand better that this extremism is best left for the pubescence of youth who get a free pass for behaving in such a way. But I don't think we ever stop feeling the same way we felt when we were young, we simply deal with it more quietly, get over it in about the same amount of time, learn to go on with our lives while dealing with it, and keep our expression of our pain to ourselves. But the feelings are just the same, all our lives and after every relationship. The self-doubt, the struggle to apply blame, to others or ourselves, the pain of loss, and the acute realization that we are more fragile than we want to be.

Except for a few extreme cases, most of us finally get over it, move on, and find another boat to take out to sea, and another person to join us on our journey, but whenever we see that old life saver, (or hear that old song,) we remember the pain we once felt, and know that a part of our heart was torn away once before, and left behind a scar, that will never quite heal completely.

Out of Touch

2008-11-12T09:22:00.000-06:00

Well, my apartment building will be a little bit quieter this month. It seems I am one tenant of five in this building which has eight apartments. The guy who was below, and across the hall from me moved out, and went back to his wife (Thats a good thing), and I don't think the ones across the hall from me are going to last much longer. They are young, and for the first month here, they had guests all day and night, trashing the parking lot, making lots of noise, loud music, parties, etc etc. Yesterday, the local rental agency came by, and took everything back, beds, couch, chairs, tv, stereo, everything. I think someone in the other side of the building left too, last week, I saw a moving van, and I have not seen the big truck parked over in that lot recently, either.

What does this all mean? Why do I care? Well, it seems one of the recent departures had wireless Internet access, of which I had been 'pirating' service from, since I have not had access from any of my accounts since mid September. That means, I now don't have Internet access in my apartment at all. I don't have any phones (Although I have my cell, and though I don't have an account in good standing, I think it will still access 911 emergency, if need be) and I am completely disconnected. I guess it is a good thing I work 6 days a week, about 9-10 hours a day, otherwise I might start feeling like a hermit.

So I will write when I feel up to it, and figure out a schedule to go to the library a few times a week, and upload a blog entry. I have a memory stick somewhere, I'll have to dig that up. But I have a plan.

As for Facebook, I will visit that a couple times a week as well, rather than the several times a day I am used to. I haven't gotten much E-mail in the last several months, so I don't think anyone will miss my slow replies there, and I do have a plan to get a phone. Maybe after Christmas, I can get a land line for cheap, and maybe in February get Internet access back. I miss my Bandwidth. I haven't played any online games since August, I think, and I miss that camaraderie.

Autumn has arrived here in the Mid-West, not so much with a fury, but more like a sneak attack. Warm days, cold nights, and the occasional storm, punctuated with the inevitable 'Weatherman Guess' every evening at 6. I honestly don't know how we attach ourselves to the weather prognosticators so tightly. I imagine if they weren't around at all, we would all be a little more surprised than we are, but my guess is that we would take up a little more faith in the Farmers Almanac, and might even teach weather in high school. We might look to the skies without so much indifference, and look at with as much interest as we do a weekly sitcom. This is a pretty tenuous connection, but give me chance to explain.

The state of writing in TV Sitcoms is pretty horrible. More often than not, everything is so predictable, that the writers count on us knowing what is coming next, so they can throw a slight curve into it, not enough, of course, to change the outcome, but to show us their great ability to put our favorite character in a familiar situation, so that we can see how they would deal with it. Ralph Cramdon did it in the Honeymooners fifty years ago, Lucy did it in I Love Lucy forty years ago, Richie Cunningham did it in Happy Days 30 years ago, Cliff Huxtable did it on Cosby 20 years ago, Jerry did it on Seinfeld 10 years ago, and since I don't really watch them anymore, someone is doing the exact same thing tonight, at 8, 7 Central, somewhere on one of the four networks. And we know what the outcome is going to be, we're just not sure how our favorite character is going to apply their catch-phrase for this season.

Maybe without weathermen on TV, we would look at the skies with as much fore-knowledge, and better understand what is definitely going to happen, but with the same fascination of how much, or for how long we get from the Sitcom.

Of course we cannot so away with the Weathermen, but their predictions are not gained from some mystical knowledge, it is simply observing, and looking at past trends. Any of us can do that, farmers do it every day, so do pilots. I think it makes us lazy, and stupid, rather than more educated. I would love to see the Weather Channel run educational pieces late at night. If you had enough insomnia, and took good notes, you could probably be a certified weatherman in only a few months.

So the weather is unpredictable, and the dryness here is unbelievable. I am constantly thirsty, dry sinuses, dry lips, like I am in a desert. I leave the house in the morning wearing sunglasses and a winter coat, and leave work in the late afternoon with dark skies, and warm rain blowing sideways. I think I might have said once while in California that I missed the 'weather', which I meant I missed the changes of the weather. But after being back here for a while, I guess I blocked out the fact that from late October to mid April, the death of the land is overwhelming, and sucks the life from your soul. I cannot imagine how bad it must be north, or south towards the poles, with only a few hours of light every day for months, and farther even still, weeks and weeks of darkness. The cold is not so bad, I can deal with it, but the lack of predictability is amazing. We could have snow on the ground one morning, a warm rain in the after noon, and a tornado in the evening. I never felt a need or desire to take a vacation anywhere but around home in California, but I can understand why people here want to leave this place for even a weekend and go someplace not so much warm, but stable.

Anyway, I am looking for another unpredictable Autumn, followed by, at least as far as the Farmers almanac says, a crazy violent winter. Preparing my emergency kit, with flashlights, candles, water, etc, (just like the earthquake kits we made in California,) And otherwise getting ready for what I hope to be my last winter here in the mid-west.

Is it really Bliss?

2008-11-05T17:04:00.000-06:00

The election process is over, now back to work.

Well, I thought that anyway. After the election mania last evening, I had finished reading in detail the results from my county, Our ballot was pretty thin, National election for President, then there was Governor, Lt. Gov, attorney general, I think, a state rep seat for my area, and some county positions, plus a few ballot measures.

Personally, I was only really interested in a couple things on the Ballot, the National Presidential Election, the State Governor, and a ballot measure which would give schools more money for stuff.

I was disheartened by the fact that the county offices here were Republicans running unopposed. I could have written in someone, but no one else wanted the jobs, I guess. Anyway, I went to the County results page before I went to sleep, and also found out that although 100% of the precincts had reported in, that only 17.25% of eligible voters had voted. Also, I found something in the election results that I had not seen on my ballot which was basically a property Tax increase which would give money to the public library, which confused me. Why had I not seen this on my ballot, but there were results on the elections page? Did it not pass because not everyone had the chance to vote for or against it? In addition, there are no results on the county clerks page saying what the results in the county for the National Election. Of course, when I looked to see who I could shoot off an e-mail to to inquire about this, I found that the county officers do not have e-mail available to the public.

So with all that in mind, I went off to work, and found my regular customers drinking heavily, early in the morning, and some were very confrontational. An older woman in the drive through asked me how I felt about the election last night, and I calmly told her that I don't really discuss that kind of thing while at work, that it is inappropriate for a sales clerk to discuss politics. She seemed to think that was some kind of code, because she exclaimed that that is the problem with America, that no one will discuss what they feel, and they must be hiding something if they won't express their outrage.

This comment led me to an internal discussion with myself, in an attempt to try to understand 'people' that I have been having a very hard time understanding. First off, the rhetoric I heard regularly from the republican party in my area of the world was that we are in a fight, to do this, and do that. Whereas, I heard from Democratic party people, and independents, Constitution Party members, green party members, and others, that we had a lot of work to do. They all were striving to win votes, but some see it as a battle, and others see it as work. This lays an interesting foundation that helps me grasp what these people see in their 'opponents.'

The other thing that cropped up in my head was that some people honestly think that people must be hiding something. This must come directly from the idea that if you are not with me, you are against me, another Republican ideal that has surfaced in the last 6-7 years.

While all this was rolling around in my head, I was continually dealing with customers, now more often than not, the customers who come in know exactly what they want, and know where it is, but there are a few that come in, and who have never been in my store before. My reaction to a customer I have never seen in the store before is to welcome them, and ask if there is anything I can help them find. The standard reaction to this is a flat 'No.'

I respect peoples choice to wander around and browse, and not be hassled by a sales person, so I usually just let it roll off my back, and forget about them until they come to me, and ask for help. But honestly, 90% of these 'No.' customers really do need help finding what they want, are in a hurry, and just default to the negative response, because that is what they have always done. I am not sure if people in my little town have ever had regular excellent customer service, so I don't think they know what it is supposed to be. This, of course, is not their fault, but the fault of all the retail merchants in town who do not make customer service a priority, most often for the reason that almost each and every business in town is a monopoly. If there were, say a Target AND an Wal-Mart, in town, customers could say, “Hey, you provide terrible customer service, and I can get the same item over at your competitor, so either be nice to me to earn my money, or you will lose my business.” Of course this never happens, because each business knows that each customer really doesn't have a choice, and has to shop there, and deal with shitty service, or go without the product they want. I believe competition breeds better service, and prices, but then, I am a capitalist at heart.

But the real issue I have with it all is that the customer needs my help (Eventually, they all come back and ask for my help) but refuses it at first. Why? I think it is because they either think that if they were the clerk, they would probably try to sell the customer something they didn't want or need just to make a profit, or that in their personal experience, all clerks are corrupt used car salesmen, willing to sell some crap to a customer just to make a buck.

I think my experience in retail has definitely made me a better customer. I think those who look down upon retail clerks either have some strange superiority complex, or are just ignorant, or uneducated about how things actually work.

A constant that I have to deal with is that almost every single thing sold in my store can also be purchased at Wal-Mart. And 99% of the time, for less. And 25% of my customers complain about my prices, using Wal-Mart as an example of where they could get it $.05 cheaper. My heart tells me to tell them, “Go ahead, then, go get it from Wal-Mart!” But I cannot say that. I actually had a discussion with one of these customers, explaining that the reason wal-mart sells it cheaper, is because they buy it cheaper. I might buy 100 Cases of a particular brand of beer, where as Wal-Mart buys 100 TRUCKLOADS of the same beer. The person I was explaining this to said that that was 'bullshit', that everything costs the same for retailers, and we just charge more because we want more profit. I had no idea how to approach this level of uneducated ignorance, so I let it go.

Finally I let it all go for a couple of hours and when I thought of it all again, I discovered that the reason people in this area are so hard for me to understand, is because most of them are just plain ignorant, and there is nothing I can do about it.

Except for one thing I can do,

Get out of retail, away from customers.

The Remains of the Day

2008-11-03T19:09:00.001-06:00

So its now been over a week, I think, since my last entry, I really have to get a schedule down pat.

Anyway, I rushed home today, Shoveled (Literally) some very good tacos into my mouth, and listened to the news on NPR.

As I was hearing about Steve Fossetts remains being found, I was hit with an interesting idea, and thought I should share with my friend, 'I Envy Dad', but since I have not posted here in a while, and since he doesn't read e-mails from me while jet-setting in Europe....

I thought I'd share my idea here.

I absolutely mean no disrespect for Mr. Fossett, he was a rich man, and an adventurer, and I have a lot of respect for him, even a little more than that guy from Virgin, who is a little freakish to me.

My thoughts came when I thought about hiking in the woods, and coming across the bones. What if...

If you were hiking in the woods and came across the remains of a hiker, or pilot or something, and found a hurriedly written note which lays out detailed plans. Plans that include access and passwords to a blind bank account in the Grand Caymen islands, or Switzerland, and instructions to perform some duties in order to recover the funds being offered. In effect, “If you find my remains, you can have a bunch of money, if you lie, and cover up the truth about what you find here.”

It would be an interesting short story, filled with mystery, and lots of time constraints, and some hapless hiker as the victim of a multi-million dollar scheme hatched years before by an eccentric billionaire.

Anyway, that was my idea, after I thought of that, the Tacos started to have the desired effect, and the long day at work started to catch up with me, and I had to write this before I lost all energy.

There ya go.

The Rainbow Connection

2008-10-26T21:20:00.001-05:00

So it's Sunday night, I missed two of the last seven 'blog every day' posts. FAIL.

But I have a short list of things I couldn't actually fill an entire blog entry with, so I thought I would start the Sunday Week-end round up, and fill it with small stuff.

I had a customer come through the drive thru this past week, a woman driving, with a male passenger. So far, pretty normal. They knew what they wanted, right away, a Four-Pack of Natural Light Beer in cans, and a Fifth of CHEAP-assed vodka. Again, this is very normal. It was about 10:15 am, and I gathered the requested items. It took them a few minutes to decide which Cigarettes they each wanted, the man got a box of KOOL filter kings, and the woman finally decided on Marlboro light 100's. Again, nothing really unusual at this time has occurred.

After I gather all the goods, and give them the total bill, I ask if there is anything else at all I can get for them. They look at each other, and say something I cannot hear, and she says that they are going to get some scratcher tickets. Lottery tickets are pretty popular, and our store has about 40 different choices. She asks what we have for two dollar tickets, and I tell her I have about 10 different ones, she asks to see them, and I gather ten different tickets, and she ends up picking three of them. Then she asks about five dollar tockets, and it is about the same result, but she consults with the man in passenger seat, and they discuss the 'Bingo' Lottery card, versus the 'Crossword' bingo card.

Finally they decide what all they want, and pay up, and as I am handing out the change from their purchase, the woman is turned around completely digging in the back seat for something, so the man in the passenger seat reaches over her to get the change, and smiles up at me, and says thanks.

Which is when I noticed his right hand was wrapped in a very filthy rag, like something out of a car repair shop. And there was blood all over it. And his face was very pale. I inquired as to if he was okay. He said he'll be fine as soon as they get to the hospital, and get the stitches in.

Another thing about where I work, and this has happened in other places I have worked, I replaced someone. So the customers who come in ask about where the girl is that used to work here. I say I am not sure, I just got hired. Truth is, I was never told about the former employees, I don;t know if they died, were fired, quit, or were abducted by aliens. But everyone seems to wonder where they went, and wishes that this store would stop changing employees.

Well that leads me to my deep thought about employees, and I have had this thought for a long time. I thought when I was younger that it was just a small town thing, but it occurred in California in major metropolitan areas as well. People want to visit their favorite businesses, and have the same clerks serve them, for, like, ever. They sincerely try to care about them as well, I feel a sense of sincerity when people ask me about the girl I replaced, “How is she?” “Where is she?” “Tell her I asked about her”

The thing is, why would anyone who truly cared about someone like a clerk in a retail business honestly believe that these people would work in a business for years and years at such a low wage? Don't you think they might have higher aspirations? Don't you think they want more out of life than to serve you day in and day out for years and years at a quarter an hour raise per year? And beyond all that, how does it make me feel when you don't give a rats pancreas about me? I guess it is personal thing, I personally don't care if the clerk behind the counter is the same one every week I show up, or every day for that matter. I do care if the management changes, or the ownership, because I know that that will affect my experience at the business, but the clerks? I hope they do move on! If they have any ambition, they'll get the hell out of the clerking business, because there is no future in it. Maybe it is because I am sick of serving. Maybe it is because the 10 people out of 100 that I serve that are nice to me don't make up for the 90 that treat me like a doormat.

I wrote on a forum I visit daily, where there were a lot of arguments back and forth about the election, and the candidates, that those of us who are decided should just ignore the national politics this week, and spend more time looking hard at the local candidates. I wrote that I believe that the majority of governing should come from the floors of the House and Senate, and we should give more of our time talking about the issues that will really affect us in the next two years, rather than fret and argue about the executive branch. I don't think that either candidate has the where with all to continue the domineering executive branch that Bush has ran over the last 8 years, so there is a good chance that the Congress will have back some of the power it should have after the election.

I also mentioned that our fretting about extreme possibilities is wasted time. Over the last 8 years, there have been many years that the Republicans have held a majority in Congress, the Executive branch, and have put in place very conservative supreme court justices, yet Roe V Wade has still not been overturned, and Automatic weapons are not handed out in wal-mart, and gay marriage is still not banned. If a political party with as much power as the republicans have had have not riveted their planks down while they held the power to do so, chances are neither party will ever be able to swing to the extremes people are fretting about. Obama is not going to turn America into a Socialist state, and McCain is not going to turn it into a Fascist state.

This kind of extreme dialogue does nothing except divide our country, and provides neither side with anything but polarization. And I think that is what a minority of citizens want. I want a re-unified country, who does for their country what it needs us to do. Not just pay our taxes, and take what is available to us. We are the country, we are the government, and we owe it to each other to work hard to make it work, and to make our representatives know how we feel about the issues.

I read about a year ago or so that when a particular issue was up for debate in congress that our local representative got literally' hundreds' of letters and e-mails of citizens she represents sharing their thoughts on the issue. I think she represents many more thousands of people, so I wondered why more didn't just type an e-mail and share what they wanted from their elected representative. It is as if we are hiring lawyers, and then not speaking to them during the pre-trial phase, the hearings, the jury selection, or during the presentation of evidence, then all of a sudden, right before they stand up to give closing arguments, we put demands on them, ask what they have done for us over the last two years, and what are they going to do for us now? I think we need to participate more in the operations of our government, maybe then we wouldn't be so surprised when after eight years of no regulation, the markets take a huge crap, and leave us holding the bag. It is and was our responsibility to know this stuff. We are the government.

Heres some funny videos.

Died Tragically Rescuing His Family From The Remains Of A Destroyed Sinking Battleship

2008-10-23T21:44:00.003-05:00

The Royal Tenenbaums is definitely one of my favorite films. I own the Criterion Collection version, and I have seen the film possibly 25 times.

I am including some links for you, if you want to learn more.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0265666/

http://video.google.com/videosearch?source=ig&hl=en&rlz=1G1GGLQ_ENUS245&q=royal+tenenbaums&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=X&oi=video_result_group&resnum=4&ct=title#

http://www.rushmoreacademy.com/academy/films/tenenbaums/

http://home.online.no/~bhundlan/scripts/TheRoyalTenenbaums.pdf

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Royal_Tenenbaums_(soundtrack)

http://www.gstreetsightings.com/google-street-view/royal-tenenbaums-movie-home-google-street-view-sightings/

http://www.royaltenenbaums.com/

Since I don't have anything but sub-basic cable (Which means, I get the local stations, ABC, CBS, NBC, and FOX, plus a Christian station, Public Television, some kind of Classical Music channel, Local Origination, which is different than Local Access, A Shopping Network, CSPAN, and finally TBS, and WGN, which is the big local in Chicago, some 7 hours away from here by plane.) I really don't have much to watch.

So I have been watching a lot of my old DVDs and VHS movies when bored, and recently I pulled out my old favorite, the Tenenbaums.

This movie is wonderful, and reminds me of JD SALINGERS Franny and Zoey, in that the Glass Family in that book were young genius's, as were the Tenenbaum children. The characters are fun, not too complex, and very interesting. Abut most of all, I love the film making, the cinematography, and the soundtrack. As a film, this one is flawless in my mind. But I have simple desires when it comes to films, so don't judge me too harshly.

If you have not seen it, please go out and rent it, and if you have, think about seeing it again. It is a fun distraction from the world in which we live, and has plenty of laughs.

It might also inspire your creativity for Halloween costumes this year!

Until next time...

Toothless People

2008-10-22T20:31:00.001-05:00

Well, for those of you who don't know, I work as a retail clerk in a liquor/cigarette store, that features a drive-up window. This is a kind of step down for me, career-wise, but right now, I'll take any job that comes along.

I am good at clerking, in a previous life, I was probably a general store owner in the old west, and I probably wore sleeve garters.

Just because one is talented at something, doesn't mean he wants to do it for a living, though. But I cannot choose my job right now, so I'll be satisfied with the idea that doing the job brings me money which allows me to live my life in a way that will bring me the satisfaction I don't get in a career.

As I spend my day selling my wares, I am practicing the habit of writing down notes so that later I can have something to blog about. As I've mention previously, this is not always productive...

My Manager/Owner prefers to listen to pop-country music on the overhead music system, and he chooses to play a popular radio station. I, personally, have not listened to the radio since I was about 12 years old, when I discovered that the 14 other tracks on an album (Or cassette tape, or 8-track) were often much more interesting to listen to than the one hit off the album that got played on every radio station ten or twelve times per day.

But I can usually stomach Pop music, it's the country part of the music that is driving me to throw myself under the next train that passes. The thing about country music is not the twang to it, or the fact that one can usually understand every single word uttered. It is the sentiment of the lyric. In the olden days, country music was of the 'cry-in-your-beer' type, where a man sung about a girl whose left him, or a woman sings about how hard life is without the man she just left. Little has changed in the Country Music theme, although I will admit that it has been modernized somewhat, and the girls who sing the songs these days look just as much like bar sluts as pop music girls do. Not that the Bar Slut look is bad. Seriously, it is hot and sexy, and I would guess that a girl on stage, or in a video wearing her laundry-day sweatpants (The ones with 'Juicy' on the butt, but with some of the letters missing) and the stained t-shirt, the only comfortable, but unflattering, bra she owns, and dirty flip-flops, well, that girl would not be a super-star in the music world. All I'm saying is, that the country girls dress up just as well, whereas in the old days they dressed like the Pennsylvania dutch. Much improvement.

The songs on Pop Country stations get as much over-play as those on regular pop stations, and I swear, during an 8 hour shift, I hear the same song about ten times. That, for you non-mathematical types, is more than once per hour. The current popular song in high-rotation is a Carrie Underwood piece telling us all a terribly sad story about a young 18 year old girl whose man has gone off to war, and is not coming home. It's catchy, in the same way that Measles is, and if you want to torture yourself, here is where you can listen, http://www.last.fm/music/Carrie+Underwood/Carnival+Ride/Just+A+Dream, and here are the lyrics, http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/carrieunderwood/justadream.html.

In order to provide you, the generous reader, with this information, I had to listen to this song again, right here at home, and it was torture. I hope you appreciate it.

My point in all of this is this; All day long I have to listen to country music, and I try to hum my own tunes, more often than not, the old familiar ones which are hard to get out of your head. Bon Jovi's 'Livin' on a Prayer', Journey's 'Faithfully', Pearl Jam's 'Jeremy'. Songs you know the words to, that have the potential of drowning out the drawl. The thing about country music is that is it all about the emotion, but that can be said about any music, really, just look at the songs I posted. Maybe it is the fact that I associate the songs with people I know, or used to know, and don't want to think about.

Other than listening to country music all day, I do get to deal with a wide assortment of creepy people, which is always fun. People pulling up to the drive-thru window at 9 a.m. To buy a pint of vodka on their way to work, a nice couple with the litter of kidlets in the back seat arguing about which cheap cigarettes they will buy, because if they get the 1.7 liter of generic bourbon, they can only afford one pack. I can't say they are all degenerates, because I don't think they are. I have just never worked in a bar, or even spent much time in bars, and seeing so many drunks in the daylight is just new to me.

When I get to work at night, it is even more fun. Drunks driving up to the window, barely able to focus their attention on me waiting for their order, but buying a thirty pack of cheap beer, and a fifth of crème de menthe, talking on their cell, and texting on it at the same time. Makes me glad I am inside the building, and not out on the roads.

When I worked at Starbucks, my clientèle happened to be a little higher class, simply because we sold a luxury item, where as the stuff I sell now is definitely a necessity, but at my job now, the class is more in the line of the toothless, and poor. Of course mixed in with the hardworking construction guys, the farmers, and the female bank executives buying their Virginia Slims, and $20 lottery scratcher. It is a strange world.

We also sell wine, and in our little town, I think we are one of the best wine store around, both for price and varied selection. Selling the wine is my arena of excellence, and if I can steer enough of the patrons away from the gallon box of White Zinfandel, I feel like I've accomplished something.

There is definitely not as much flirting from the female customers as there was at Starbucks. I don't know if it is the Clients who don't see me there as someone to flirt with, or if it is that they are too in need of feeding their addiction to think of anything else.

Whatever the situation is there, it is not hard work, even if it is not rewarding. It brings me in touch with a lot of strange people, which is interesting. And it pays fairly well, which is a good kind of reward. I'll hold off on judgment of the place until my first robbery, now that the economy is crashing, that likelihood is rising fast.

Se7en Days of the Condor

2008-10-21T20:42:00.004-05:00

So I was planning on dedicating myself to writing, or posting, to my blog every single day for 7 days. Just to get into the habit. I had read an article on how to get your blog more popular, and that was at the top of the list. I planned on starting it Monday, and well, I was too lazy. I got home from work exhausted, and ate, and did laundry, cleaned my bathroom, folded clothes, and fell asleep.

Kind of ironic, because all day at work, I had taken the advice of my buddy, and written down little things which I could have included in my daily blogging. Strange thing he didn't mention, and I didn't think of, when reading the little scrap of paper after work, and sitting down to write something, how am I supposed to remember why I wrote “Lovey Howell”?

The 'How to make your blog popular' article didn't mention much about how you are supposed to write something that others want to read, or how to find people who are interested in your mind-spew. It talked about being a daily blogger, writing about something you know about, and not being too confrontational.

That led me to think about how I should approach this, and how others do. Many very successful bloggers write like journalists, and research, create a bibliography, use hotlinks to connect to their sources, etc etc. Others write as if they were comedians, trying out a new set on Monday night at the club. Some write to someone they know, or many someones they know.

What approach shall I take? In order to be completely unique, I should just write what I think, and about what I do. But who wants to read that, unless I write as well as David Sedaris. (I don't, if you were wondering) But researching for a blog? Seems like work. And unless I am going to get some revenue from all this, I think I would rather drop some balls in Peggle for an hour or so.

So today is Tuesday, I am starting my official 7 days of blogging now.

Happy reading!

Don't Rain On My Parade

2008-10-18T08:20:00.003-05:00

Today is the day in my home town that the week long Maple Leaf Festival holds it annual Parade. The Maple Leaf Festival Parade is one of the largest in the mid-west, and if you pick one spot to sit, it will usually take over two hours for the whole thing to pass.

I have seen the parade many times in my lifetime, but not as many as I would wish. It is a great local thing, featuring people you know, and many you don't. Some of the local 'floats' are just a small group of local people riding on a hay trailer behind a tractor with a handwritten sign on the side saying something like, "Local Book Club". There are big regional presentations, such as large University marching bands, Anheuser Busch Clydesdale Team, and a handful of Shriner performers.

Local and regional politicians make their presence known, every two years are election years, and this year is a national election, so there are classic convertibles with Senator so-and-so, and Governor whats-his-name riding on the back, and of course the local beauty Queens, and regional National Guard units driving obscenely large vehicles.

The high school football team usually rides upon the largest firetruck we have, and tosses out candy to kiddies, the local 5-8 year old twirling team, chilled to the bone in tights tries it hardest to spin their batons, and the few remaining Korean War Veterans ride past to loud cheers.

It is quite a spectacle, and I would surely have gone again this year, but for the lack of a partner. A spectacle such as this is pretty much no fun at all without someone to poke and giggle.

You can pick your nose....

2008-10-10T20:31:00.001-05:00

So I'm having a hard time at work. My new job is retail, still stuck in retail. I yearn for another office job. I would rather deal with the idiots in cubes, than the ones across the counter. I know both jobs entail sacrificing your soul, and everything you believe in to someone with the I.Q. Of a mango, but somehow I feel that being taken advantage of by someone you don't know, and never have to see again is just dis-heartening.

Also, the people I work for, well, it is an old story, but a good one. I am the lowest on the totem pole here, and the three co-owners, and manager are always around, giving me different directions, and lists of things to do. It's like being married to triplets. In addition, they all take smoke breaks, lunch breaks, any kind of break they want, and I work 9 hours straight, with not even a potty break.

It's better than being unemployed, but not by much.

The real problem is that I have some moments during my day when I think of things to blog about, and forget them quickly.

The store I work in has a drive-thru, and I honestly wonder sometimes if I am not inconveniencing the people who pull up tot he window in their car. Somehow they make me feel like I am in some way interrupting their phone-call-while-eating-and-having-a-conversation-with-the-person-in-the-backseat time.

In addition, since I work at a liquor store, I get to see people buying half-pints of terrible vodka at 9 am, breathing their alcohol breath at me. And since I work and live in a very backwards part of the world on the fringe of the Ozark mountains and the great plains of Kansas, I get to see some of the worst dental hygiene on the planet, outside of England.

Also, I get to hear complaints of the increase in a twelve pack of Keystone Light by $.10, and how if Obama gets elected, we'll all be living in a socialist country, and won't even be able to buy beer anymore.

It is soul wrenching.

Night before last, I had a very very drunk customer come on and purchase five Power-ball lottery tickets. After I punched the right keys, five random computer generated tickets popped out, and he looked at them, complained that I was 'Fucked', and could 'stick the tickets up my ass'. He threw the tickets at me, and walked out. I observed that out of the five individual tickets, there were three power-balls numbered 10, and two numbered 11. He wanted to get five different power balls, and was pissed off that the computer didn't randomly give him what he wanted. Of course this was my fault.

So far these are random observations ranting about work. Pretty boring stuff.

I came home the other day, and found my landlord and her husband emptying the apartment below me. Turns out the previous occupants had not paid their rent for three months, and when she came by to check on them found they had turned off the utilities a month ago, and were no where to be found. The two guys had lived there for years, and suddenly disappeared, leaving everything behind. The landlord said the apartment was pretty clean, except for the fridge, which had two weeks of spoiled food, and a dirty carpet, but no stains. They left everything behind, bed, TV, furniture, computer. The landlord was incredibly nice to me.

I say that only because out of the over 18 months I've lived here I have paid my rent on-time, or early exactly three times. Right now, I am two months behind. My apartment is pretty messy, I am not a good housekeeper, and I know that sometimes they come by and knock, and if I am not here, they open the door and come in, so I know they've seen the dirty apartment I live in. Yet they are incredibly nice to me, joking around, and commenting, and asking about my family.

It baffles my mind.

One comment that I didn't understand at all was when the landlord asked me how old I was. Her husband then replied that my age is 'when the women really start to chase you,' and I had no idea how to reply. Was he saying it generally? Or was he chased a lot when he was my age? How uncomfortable.

I think what gets me is that people that really don't know anything about me tend to like me. It is hard to understand because I guess I don't like myself too awfully much. But I know myself pretty well. Maybe I fear that I will just disappoint them when they really get to know me. Like I have disappointed myself so often.

I wonder sometimes if I behave the way I wish I was, and when I am who I actually am, I turn out to be nothing like the person I 'pretend' to be. Is it dishonest? Does everyone do it? I am not trying to put on airs, or intentionally deceive people. In the workplace, one has to behave a certain way, right? Behave professionally? Do people behave professionally at home? In bed? While Jogging?

Maybe it is the fact that my entire social life comes from work. And therefore, everyone I know 'socially' only sees me as I behave at work. If I had more of a social life outside of work or home, I could behave more like myself. But this would require me finding people to socialize with that don't work with me, or patronize my workplace. And to find these people, I would have to know people who would introduce me to these new potential friends. But I know no one. At least here, I know no one.

My friends are all people I have worked with in the past, or served as customers in the past. I guess that is pretty normal. The whole thing about you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family comes into play here, since I have little way of picking friends here. There is no way to meet people int his small town, nor any way to socialize. There are probably people here who I would get along with, and have fun with, but there is not way to find them.

I guess I'll have to find a way. At least until I can get back home to Cali, and get back with my real friends.

Todays lesson; Don't trust your father...

2008-10-04T21:49:00.001-05:00

So I wanted to do two things for my kid. First off, I wanted to give him something he couldn't get anywhere else in the world, that he would enjoy, appreciate, and know that it was done with love, and meant just for him.

Secondly, I wanted him to learn a valuable lesson from the gift. I don;t think that will work like I hope it will. He doesn't read this blog, as far as I know, and reading about it, or hearing about it would not be as effective as participating.

The gift is simple, home-made chocolate chip cookies, also known as Tollhouse cookies, according to the recipe on the package of name-brand chocolate chip 'morsels', as they are uncommonly known.

A gift like this to a new college freshman would be eaten quickly, and enjoyed thoroughly, probably by more freshmen than just my son.

The valuable lesson I'd like him to learn is the inherent value of such a gift. I think that in the future he will receive such gifts from girls who have feelings for him, and I would have him appreciate them properly.

If you've never made these little delicacies, it is not as simple as opening a package, adding water, stirring, and baking. Home made cookies require the measuring of flour, cracking of eggs, and hand stirring of real butter, and about a metric tonne of sugar, both brown and white. The stirring just about tore my right arm off, then my left, and then back to the beleaguered right. I softened the butter, at room temperature (No microwaves here!) and the sugar was fresh, and moist, and not a solid refridgeratored block of brown brick. But still it was hard. I actually broke a sweat. Then slowly adding the flour mixture, and slowly mixing, and turning, and stirring until I felt like I'd paddled up Niagra falls.

The lesson here, my boy, is that when a girl does this for you, it is with love, and each cookie is hand-crafted, and each time a little ball of dough is gingerly placed upon the sheet pan, she thinks of how and where you will eat this individual cookie. Will she be sitting next to you when you eat this one? Will you think of her at every single swallow? You'd damn well better, and you'd better show some appreciation. These aren't just an afternoon snack, and neither is she. By the time a girl bakes cookies like this for you, there is a little flame in her heart for you, and it is fragile. It could easily turn into a low and slow burning ember of true love, or flash burn your face off.

I promised myself that next time I had him for any amount of time, I would make him stir the sugar/butter mixture for a half hour or so, so he would truly appreciate what goes into these little goodies.

And I promise to send a couple dozen off to his dorm room. Real soon. Of course, I'll have to ensure they are made just right first, and make sure the consistency is, well, consistent. You know, do they hold up in a glass of milk, will they still be good a couple days after made. You know, Quality Assurance! So as soon as I've tested a few (Dozen) of these, I promise I'll make a dozen and get them off to you. Since I've made them, I'll have to share a few with my workmates, parents, and some neighbors, and since my rent is late again this month, my landlord wouldn't mind a half dozen goodies. So just as soon as I can, I'll put a half dozen in a little box, and send them right off. But really, a Half-Dozen? That isn't enough to justify the postage...

I'll go ahead and eat these, and make you some next week.

And there is the last part of the lesson. After she bakes you these wonderful cookies, the steel strength of character to give them to you and not eat all of them herself is a sign of true love.

Don't be condemned to reapeat it

2008-09-29T11:11:00.001-05:00

"Notable Quotations from George Santayana
'Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.'
Life of Reason, Reason in Common Sense, Scribner's, 1905, page 284"

The current fiscal crap that is going on might blow over. We might bail out some big and small, national and international banks, and it might work, and nothing bad may happen. The doom-sayers might have their day in the sun, and everything bad might come true.

You should try though, at least, to understand history, and specifically the history of what has happened to the United States Financial system. Things are starting to look familiar to me, and I assume to many others. It may not be avoidable, but if history is going to repeat it self or not, I refuse to be condemned to repeat it.

Here are just a few sources of easy to understand information. I would love to see some conservatives post some video's or sources as well, because what I am posting is mostly liberal, and somewhat conspiracy-theory driven. I have yet to find much information from the opposition explaining what has happened in the past from their point of view (Except for "You're all crazy..." and "This is just liberal media crap that doesn't deserve my attention")

I have an open mind, and want to hear what they have to say on the other side of the aisle.

Here are some links to some video regarding the history of Money, and finances in the US.

http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/
(Particularly "Part Three: Don't mind the men behind the curtain")

http://www.freedomtofascism.com/

http://www.youtube.com/user/tyrannyofsoulz
(Particularly the videos, "The Corrupt Banking System")

From my point of view, the collapse of the banks, and the subsequent bailout by the US Government could be a preemptive move, or it could be coincidence. Either way, your generation will be dealing with it for the next ten years much like we have been dealing with the Iraq war since 2003 (Or 2001, if you choose to view it that way). We were told things then that affected our opinions, and decisions that later turned out to be completely untrue, and had we known the right questions to ask, we might have avoided it. These documentaries might give us a few questions to ask, both our leadership, as well as ourselves.

Who Won the Debate?

2008-09-29T10:59:00.003-05:00

I have been posting recently on a board, and want to post my conversation here,

I will leave the original posters names out of this, because they have not given permission to repost here.

Question:
Just curious of those that watched the debate, who won in your honest opinion? Why do you think so? Did the debate change your mind on whom to vote for?

Answer one:
well first of all you have to define "won"

since most republicans are already set in their decision to vote McCaіn no matter what happens

and the same for democrats and Оbama

the only people the debates affect are the 20% in the middle who are arguably the stupidest 20% in the country. republicans may be evil personified but at least they made up their fucking minds. i can't even imagine the intellect of someone who, at this point, still doesn't know who to vote for. and so i certainly can't presume to judge how they perceived the debates.

Reply:
NAME wrote:
well first of all you have to define "won"

Come on, NAME! You know the answer to this - Whomever gave the best argument wins the debate.

But I understand the rest of what you say. I agree with the undecided people. They're too busy at Starbucks drinking coffee and texting to be bothered by current events.

Here's a follow-up question for those that voted a tie :
Since this is suppose to be McCaіn's best subject, do you think by Оbama being able to hold his ground and having a tie, that he actually won in the sense he kept McCaіn from winning as he was (somewhat) expected to do?

NAME reply:
i don't think the people that matter, i.e. the retarded undecided, actually know what the best argument was. they tend to vote based on hair color and flag pins. so as i said, there's no way to gauge the debate based on criteria that matter to them unless you are one of them.

Retort:
We aren't talking about them, NAME. I'm interested in your opinion, as the question asks. Who do you think did a better job arguing their points?

My reply:
Okay, I will try not to ramble, or make this another of my long assed posts.

1) My son is a National High School Debate Finalist (It was in Vegas this past summer) So I understand 'official debate' but these presidential debates were aimed directly at what joe calls 'the undecided 20%' (Although I think it is more than 20% of US population, I think it is more like 30%)

In a Harvard School Debate, or courtroom, Оbama would have won, simply because he answered questions asked of him, followed direction of the moderator, and replied well to those issues brought against him by both McCaіn, and the moderator.

In the great debate of the undecided masses, I believe maybe 5% might have been swayed towards John McCaіn, because they liked to see a 'President' who kicks ass and swings a big stick, and simply because there are masses of U.S. Citizens out there who want a daddy in the white house, not a mommy. Meaning, they want someone to kick the neighbors dog when he bites you, more than they want mommy to kiss the bite would, and put some bactine on it.

The unwashed elite, like me, who are cynical, and think the whole process is screwed, think that it was a tie because Оbama didn't take advantage when we wanted him to argue more like a Senator on the floor of congress, and less like the 'good son' who doesn't argue with the senile old uncle at thanksgiving dinner out of respect. Which kind of proove's McCaіn's point of being naive.

But I have to argue a bit with Joe who says that only 20% are up for grabs. I think the winner of this election will have to win over some of the opposition, even if it is as little as 5%-10%. McCaіn trys to win over Hillary's army of angry vaginas by putting Palin on the ticket, and Оbama trys to gain some old people by adding Biden. In that group of wishy-washy decided-undecideds, I think it was a tie as well, because the candidates failed to say anything big, or new, or exciting, but rather went out of their way to not say something that would kill their campaign.

Оbama is inexperienced. But that is almost his entire campaign, he believes we need to change washington from the old school experienced corrupt, to a new team of squeeky-clean politicians. McCaіn made that point for him, sort of.

McCaіn is a maverick, or claims to be, although 'look at the record' and see that he too, like all politicians, only goes maverick when he see no other alternative, meaning, after he's been called out. He was caught in bed with lobbyists, and turned into an anti-pork guy. He found out his republican friends in the senate were about to be busted and go to jail, so he reached across the aisle to distance himself from them.

He's a maverick, but do we want a horse that will pull our cart towards success, or one that will randomly pull our cart where ever he wants to, and bolt into the wild first time we unhitch him? A maverick is something good among a team of strong horses, but as a leader... Not so sure. A valuable asset, but maybe not a leader so much.

Finally, my personal thoughts. I thought both candidates failed at a few important points to me. Both stayed down in the dog-fighting pit of politics, and said things that were not true, in order to make the other look bad. Then both argued semantics. I would rather see my leader stand tall above that crap, call the opponent on it, and move on. McCaіn has a much harder campaign to win than Оbama, it is sad. He has to stay true to the 'core' of the republican party, even though they are not his 'core', plus he has to deal with the eternal fall-out of his running mate, who, no matter what anyone says, is an anchor around his neck. (And we all thought Biden was going to be the one to have shoe polish on his teeth first. Hes so far under the radar you need a weed-wacker to find him.)

He's old. So am I, and I know that this is a Young Mans job, and He is tired, and it shows. He is cranky, and sometimes mean-spirited. In order to win over some of the middle ground, he has to soften up into an old man whom you wouldn't mind playing with your children. As it stands, I wouldn't let him near the fence of the school yard, for fear of him yelling at the kids on the other side.

I Like John McCaіn, and I think his service in the military was fine, but his service in the senate generally has been great. I don't think he would make a great President, but I think he would have 8 years ago. His time has passed, and we face new problems now that he no longer has what our country needs to solve them. I really wish he would have won 8 years ago.

NAME reply to me:
thanks for the very interesting and cogent post (a rarity!).

i disagree that "experience" is important. the job of president is basically four parts:

leading congress (personal influence, compromise, negotiation skills and strategy)
diplomacy (charm, intelligence, character)
leading the people (making a good speech)
and most important, making decisions, which is in large part just managing your cabinet and choosing options they give you.

"experience" doesn't really play a large part in any of those things except maybe leading congress and he has a LOT of experience working with groups toward compromise (most of his career, including leading the harvard review, has been doing things like this).

if you look at the historical record, the best presidents have been the least experienced and some of the worst have been the most experienced. it's not a job like any other in the world. you could make an argument that being OLDER helps because you hopefully have acquired more wisdom but we have all met immature adults and mature kids, so that's not a big deal either.

so to reiterate, i think the whole "inexperienced" argument is meaningless and bullshit.

to your other point, anyone who is voting McCaіn at this point (8 years of republican mismanagement by the worst president ever, corruption, constitutional rights violated, illegal wars, etc.), i just can't imagine what could change their minds. they are obviously projecting something onto McCaіn that isn't there, so it's nothing that a debate can fix. and i think you could say the same for Оbama voters - he's almost the opposite of McCaіn (albeit still in the pocket of capitalism/corporations) so how could 90 minutes of jabber change anyone's mind?
BadHorsie wrote:
We aren't talking about them, joe. I'm interested in your opinion, as the question asks. Who do you think did a better job arguing their points?

if you mean, what if the debate was in a private room and i was the only one in the audience, i thought it was a tie because it was just a meaningless performance. i don't vote based on debates, i vote based on policies.

Original posters reply to me:
Bandit -

My name on this board is "Bandit"

Yes it was a long post, but a very good post. I read every bit of it and agree with most of it. I do not think experience is a good argument to vote against Оbama. I base this mostly now on the fact Karl Rove and Dick Cheney and Rumsfeld had tons of experience and look where it got us. Bush also came from a line of politicians including daddy President and brother governor. I am happy to go with someone with a little less experience and a little more compassion and common sense.

My reply to this:

So Politics can be defined as,
Quote:
"use of intrigue or strategy in obtaining any position of power or control, as in business, university, etc. "

Although politics is so complex that it realistically cannot be defined in any one way.

I think some of us (Me, for instance) watch the politics with both an eye for 'How will this directly influence me and my family' as well as ' I hope my guy wins, because that will validate my opinion'

Due to the second ideal, I watch the 'contest' with a sort of sporting mentality, rooting for my candidate to 'win' at any opportunity. Though I surely understand that 'to win' does not necessarily mean anything.

'Winning' in politics is akin to actually seeing the bird actually poop on my windshield, once in the lifetime of the car. It doesn't remove the poop from the windshield, nor does it provide me with any way to retaliate, it simply offers me a momentary view of how something actually happens, when more often than not, I never see anything but the dirty result. It is fleeting, and forgotten almost immediately, and in the long run, it means nothing.

Policy-wise, As Joe said, one either agrees or disagrees. Unfortunately, we are all tied up in an exclusive two-party system, which leaves us all with a choice of vanilla, or chocolate (Unfortunate pun unintended)

And like the rest of the voting public, we are forced to compromise, and prioritize. Being a member of a vast Republic, I am allowed to vote for someone who will 'represent' me, but more likely than not, I am voting for someone who will represent my general beliefs. He or she will vote how they think is best, not necessarily how I think is best. And I vote for the person that is most likely to do that.

In some cases of local elections, I definitely have to make big compromises, I might believe we need that bridge out on county road 15 to be re-built, but I definitely don't want to pay 30% more in sales taxes for it. I want the jobs that might come with the new chicken poop processing plant, but I don't want the smell so close to my home. I must prioritize, and compromise. Sometimes this process takes some time, and those who have not yet decided still have a few weeks left to make that decision. I don't hold that against them at all. Let them be undecided, and work hard to learn more, and listen well to understand, and ask questions, and listen patiently to the answers. They may be undecided, but at least they care enough to think about it, and try to make a smart decision.

What puts a burr under my saddle, is that most people don't know diddly about their local issues, and know even less about the history, or policies of the national electorate. And they don't even care. They vote for whoever Fox, CNN, or the weatherman on Good Morning America thinks is today's news. It burns me to think that I have to suffer because they just don't care.

In the recent past, the Democratic party has been lacking in the finer points of 'Intrigue and Strategy' and the Republicans have pwned them at every turn. I don't know how that can possibly change, without inherently changing the party. And I hope that they don't have to stoop so low as to do it to win.

I just wish they would tell it like it is, and reveal the situation in a way that the majority of toothless rednecks can understand. It is revealing that the most successful democrats in the past thirty years have been such citizens. Carter won, he was a southern peanut farmer, LBJ was a Texas sized redneck, and Clіnton was a barefoot rope-belt-wearing hillbilly.

It doesn't lend much hope for an intellectual black man. I don't know if our country is ready for another 'Kennedy-esque' leader, although I believe it desperately needs one.

Original Posters reply to me:
Bandit wrote:

What puts a burr under my saddle, is that most people don't know diddly about their local issues, and know even less about the history, or policies of the national electorate. And they don't even care. They vote for whoever Fox, CNN, or the weatherman on Good Morning America thinks is today's news. It burns me to think that I have to suffer because they just don't care.

Exactly, if someone is still, intelligently, trying to understand what is going on, I don't have a problem.

The fact is that if someone doesn't know what is going on at this point it is an indication that they just don't care.

If you're interested in reading the entire conversation, here it is,
http://forums.joe.to/viewtopic.php?f=159&t=46265

This conversation took place on a board designed for Gamers to converse about games. Most of the posters are probably much younger than I am, and it give me much hope to see an intelligent conversation about important issues.

I miss the blinking 12:00

2008-09-22T23:24:00.003-05:00

It's been a few years since I've had to watch Television. When I first Moved here, from there, I had not unpacked much of anything but my work clothes. For several months I just survived by reading books, and spending time with my kid.

That was great, but after a while, I got really bored. I got a very small TV, I think it was less than 13”, the color on it was pretty bad, I didn't have cable, or even an antenna, but I did go out and buy a GameCube (It was cheapest, and I have always had some kind of a Nintendo system around) and that kept me pretty busy for a month or so. I went out an bought an Antenna, and started watching at least some TV shows, just the important ones, and sometimes some shows when I couldn't sleep.

Finally, I moved out of that place, and got my own place, and unpacked everything, including my Tivo. Now it was time to get back into the habit I missed so much. I got Cable, including HBO, and got my Tivo up and running, and I felt great! I hadn't realized just how much I missed it, and just how great it was to not waste time by watching crap, or watching commercials, or having to plan my life around someone else's entertainment schedule. I mean, even in theaters, they have the same film playing at different times, and different days of the week!

I was back to being spoiled, I watched much much less TV, only watched the good stuff, and watched it when I had time, rather than on their schedule. I guess I probably missed some things, I mean, if you've never been a Tivo person, it is hard to explain, but basically, you don't usually watch commercials, at all, and so you miss some promotions, that might lead you to watch a Television show you wouldn't even know about unless you were reading Variety, or subscribing to TV Guide. But occasionally I would blip blip blip through the commercials, and something would catch my eye, and I would rewind (Not really, there is not any winding in a Tivo) and watch some promo or movie trailer, or I might even catch a commercial once in a while. But on the whole, I was in my own Tivo world, and watching only what I wanted. It is my dream of the future, actually, not to have 500 Channels to choose from, but rather, one channel, my channel, that only shows the programs I want to, when I want to watch them.

So I did not have to watch TV, I watched Tivo, which brings us to the present day. My Tivo account ran out of funds yesterday (Or the day before, I can't recall) and I cannot Tivo now. My expanded Cable ran out almost a month ago, and I have been struggling to watch not just Basic Cable, but even more Basic than that, the big four, Cspan, Home Shopping, WGN, Local Origination (Which is really just a bulletin board which plays classical music) and some Gospel channel. This 'Ultra-Basic' package comes free with the apartment, and I had been canceling my Tivo Season Passes (Those are the things that allow your Tivo to record your favorite programs, and manage your shows), and creating new season passes for shows I could now get.

Before I lost my expanded Cable, I had almost 40 season passes for shows like Battlestar Gallactica, Mad Men, In Treatment, basically, most of the shows that won Emmy's this past weekend, plus stuff like Good Eats on Food Network, Mythbusters, and shows like that. There were really only a few Network shows I watch, Lost, The Office, sometimes I still watch CSI, but it has gone downhill. Now I was faced with such limited choices, I was hurting to find 6 hours a week of shows to watch!

But now the hurt is on, because I cannot record shows during the afternoon (Homicide: Life on the Street on WGN at 1PM) then watch them late at night, when I have time to spare. Now if I want to watch something on TV, I have to sit and watch it when it is scheduled to air.

Now I know some of you might think that is a pretty spoiled brat way to think about something, since the majority of people in these United States do just that, and I guess I am spoiled, but I believe that my time is more valuable, and if I want to watch a TV show, I should be able to watch it when ever I want to. Yes, I'm spoiled. But here's the point. I had to sit down (Actually had to rush around the kitchen, and run into the living room) to watch The Sarah Conner Chronicles tonight. And because my clock was messed up, I ended up missing almost a half hour of it. Then, I had to sit there and watch commercials for diseases I don't have, products I'll never buy, and shows I would never watch.

It all comes back to my vision of the future, I didn't get to watch MY CHANNEL tonight, I had to watch the 'general' channel tonight, the one designed for the greatest common denominator. And now if I want to watch the episode I missed, I'll probably have to wait for the DVD to come to Blockbuster to rent it. (I know Sarah Conner is on Hulu, thank goodness for that) but the point is, I miss my Tivo.

I miss 'JonTV', I miss having control, I really miss Basic Cable, because that is definitely where I spent most of my TV time. Now I feel like I am sitting in a Bus Station waiting room, watching 'television' instead of in MY home, watching MY television.

I just hope I can dig out my old VCR, and get it programmed correctly, so I can at least watch shows that I can't catch when I am at work. I know I have VHS tapes laying around from ten years ago, when I used to have to work EVERY SINGLE Sunday night and miss the Simpsons, and the X-Files. I used to create JonTV back then, with my VCR, and I guess I'll have to dust that thing off again, and get busy.

Long days and pleasant nights

2008-09-22T11:12:00.001-05:00

So I've been reading again lately. I say, 'again', because since the last Harry Potter book came out, (what, two years ago?) I really hadn't read anything more than a magazine article, or web page. But I started up again, mostly because I found a book in a box, and just had an urge.

So I read through all seven Dark Tower books, by Steven King. I hadn't read any of those since the last one came out, I think in '04. I had read the first of these books, The Gunslinger, possibly ten times over the last 20 years or so, the second of the books, The Drawing of the Three, I have probably read 5 or 6 times. These books have been out for years, and it took many many years in between each book. That was until the last three books of the series. After Sai King had his little incident on the side of the road, he decided that before he 'retires' he would finish the series of books that were to be his 'Lord of the Rings' that he had started way back when, in the 70's.

So I started rereading this series, and I recall not ever having read then all in order at one setting. It was quite an experience, and I enjoyed it thoroughly. King is not a Literary God by any stretch of the imagination, but he tells a good tale, I must say.

After the journey to the Dark Tower, I was interested in reading the books that 'supported' the series. If you don;t already know, the Dark Tower series of books include many characters and place-settings from other Steven King books. In a way, Roland Deschain (The main character in the Dark Tower Series of books) is journeying through Steven Kings worlds of books to get to the heart of 'it all', the Dark Tower, which presumably resides at the heart of Mr. Kings imagination. If any of you are Comic book fans, and recall DC comics Infinite Earths series, you may recall that lots of loose ends in many many stories can easily be tied up by having all the loose-end characters meet up in one place, and talk about the author.

So, in reading the Dark Tower series, I was interested to see these same characters in their own worlds, or in other worlds, and I decided to re-read the Stand.

I believe The Stand to be one of my favorite books of all time. Maybe not at the top of the heap, and maybe not even one of the greatest books of all time, but it is one of my favorite. Just like one of my favorite films of all time may be one of the worst made films of all time. Still, it is familiar, and timeless, and well-written, and fun to read. Just think, if you had a choice as to what you would have as your last meal, it might very well include one of your Mom's best cooked favorite, but might it not also include something silly like a Twinkie, or bag of Cool Ranch Doritos?

So I started The Stand, the 1153 page version, and as I got back into it (I have read The Stand probably 20 times, in one version or the other) there was so much that I had forgot. It is a very rich story, and typical Steven King, there is some kind of time pressure on the characters.

It reminded me of cheaply produced TV shows, where the characters are riding in a car, and the background is blurring by, and out of focus. King does this with his books, as he imposes some kind of time constraint or pressure on his characters, he no longer has to detail the 'background', but just give a hint of it. The characters are driving at night? So make the blurred moving background dark. Simple. It doesn't distract from the story at all, for if he didn't do this, we would be too caught up in the 'what would I do in that situation' thinking. Kudo's to you, Sai King, another week in a strange world you've given me.

I have three books going now, and all three together don't have as many pages as The Stand. I am reading David Sedaris' Engulfed in Flames, the sequal to 'Wicked', called Son of a Witch, and a collection of short stories by Mr. King, featuring a short story that takes place in the time of Roland Deschain.

That should keep me up until well after midnight for a week or so, and hopefully give me some more inspiration to write.

I think I'll tackle Harry Potter again after these, if I can round up the books. I tend to 'lend' books out too much, and I never see them again. I read the last Potter book when it came out (Finished it in two days) but I hadn't read the ones before it in years, so reading them all in a row might be fun.

"This is no time for partisanship," Bush says

2008-09-19T11:55:00.006-05:00

CNN Article, Bush: 'We must act now'

According to the above article, President Bush says that we must act quickly to solve the financial problems in the United States.

"We must act now to protect our nation's economic health from serious risk," Bush said at a White House press conference. "There will be ample opportunity to discuss the origins of this problems. Now is the time to solve it." (sic)

Here is where I have my doubts, The 'Ample opportunity' he speaks of will be about 6 weeks, or so. After wards, he will be a lame duck to whomever wins the election. During his Lame Duck period of time, it is so very very unlikely that either candidate will consider beating up the current administration with blame.

Bush further explains, "For every dollar invested in an insured fund, you'll be able to take a dollar out,"

This interest me, especially if he is actually talking about ME, when he says 'YOU'.

'Funds', that he refers to here, are 'investments', right? And any kind of investment has an inherent speculative risk. So is he guaranteeing something here that he really cannot, in anyway, guarantee? And how exactly does 'You' take a dollar 'out?'

It sounds like so much Bush hogwash that uneducated people continue to believe, because if W. says it, it must be true.

In the bigger picture, that of the idea of saving private institutions with Federal Tax money, I think this is the kind of idea that requires a case by case study, and also requires the Congress, and Executive to 'win' us, the voting public, over, if they deem it wise to bail out some private organization.

If presented well, we could easily jump on board, but right now it feels more like our government is just running things without any consideration for how we feel about it. For the educated among us, we just want to understand why it happened, so that it won't happen again.

Some of us, more passionate types, want someone to blame. But most of these types are also very very cynical, and honestly believe that the deserved blame will never be adequately placed. It doesn't seem like enough punishment, even for the Enron boys, just to be convicted, and prosecuted. But I doubt that even that will happen properly.

Pushing this kind of legislature through the system, "...as quickly as possible without adding controversial provisions that could delay action." sounds more like, "Quick, pass this before the American citizens figure it out!" And I don't honestly think that 10 years ago, or even 25 years ago, our collective minds would jump to such a conclusion, that is, before the current administration set the bar for secrecy, and lies, so low.

I guess I understand most of what has happened, and I too fear what could happen all over the globe, if we don't try to solve this problem. My beef is that no where in the reported statement are we assured that the 'opportunity' will be taken, only that it will be there. That opportunity I speak of, is the opportunity to figure out who is to blame, and how we are going to prevent this from ever happening again.

The risk if we don't deal with this, and very very harshly, is that the high-up muckity-mucks will take the next opportunity to make quick money in a global high-stakes pyramid scheme again, and know full well that the US government will be forced, again, to be the last one standing without a chair when the music stops.

Screenplay adapted by R.E.M. (Part two)

2008-09-19T08:59:00.001-05:00

Dreams (part two)

When we last visited my dream, God had just spoken to the world that Jerusalem was closed for forty years, and I was there, but somehow couldn't remember it.

Now I was back in the same place, the desert, outside the tent city set up for refugees from the city of Jerusalem. Here there are several tents, News trucks, support vehicles, etc. set up for the non-natives. An entire new city was coming into being here in the desert, one for pilgrims, and travelers, of all religions. An entire economy was available for the sale of water, tents, survival gear, and stuff, but no money was changing hands, and those of Islam, Christian, and Jewish descent were living among each other with no quarrel.

But my mind was on the wall, and I needed to get there.

The dream skipped around here a bit, sometimes showing news footage, sometimes from my point of view. I saw images of aircraft, warplanes, etc flying towards the city, never to be seen again, I saw news footage of massive numbers of troops in vehicles, and on foot marching towards the wall. I saw myself looking towards the wall, and as the days went on, it was as if dark dark clouds were coming between, because when that happens in front of the sun, one can look directly at the sun for just a couple of seconds longer, and see much more detail.

The marching troops always came back naked, and in a daze, and unable to speak or communicate.

A group of newsies decided to go with one of the marching troops, and I had to go along as well. As we got closer to the wall, maybe a half mile away, we could see it clearly, and it was massive. Dark, like some kind of composite not-metal, and as tall as a 30 story building. There were no doors, or windows, bu there was a top to the wall, and along it, at points, were 'beings', which looked human. Along the desert floor, just in front of the wall were the same beings, as as we drew near, we slowed to see what would happen to the troops.

Some tanks fired rounds at the wall, others fired mortar rounds, some fired regular weapons, but all weapons had the same effect, nothing. The bullets, and shells seemed to disappear as they approached the wall. Several groups of soldiers marched closer and closer, eventually coming to within several hundred feet, then a hundred feet, then they began screaming, and turned to run back, and as soon as they turned around they were without their uniforms, weapons, boots, everything, completely naked.

A few got as far as 50 feet, then turned around, still in the same daze, but somehow compelled to return, and naked as the day they were born, they turned and slowly walked back towards the wall.

I watched one particular man, because he was walking towards one of the beings posted along the base of the wall. As he got to within a few feet of the being, he stopped, still dazed, and looked up. I saw the being take a new shape, and pull a sword flaming from hilt to tip, and cut the man in half from head to toe, and the man evaporated.

As I turned around, to ask if the newsies had seen that, all I saw was their backs as they ran terrified back the way they had come.

I was compelled, though, terrified, but somehow at peace, and I stood and began to remove my clothes, then walked towards the nearest guardian, whom I now thought of as an angel.
As I got closer, I could see 'him' much more clearly, and he was wearing robes, which seemed to be lighter than silk, but I could see no face under the hood. 'He' also seemed to be floating just a couple inches off the floor of the desert.

At about ten feet away, I got on my knees, and began to pray. Out loud, the Our Father, The Hail Mary, always looking down with my eyes tightly closed, and my hand clasped together. After a few prayers, I felt a cool breeze blowing over me, and in the inferno of the desert heat, this was welcome and soothing. I chanced a look, and when I did, I saw an opening in the wall behind the angel. I beckoned with my thoughts a humble request to be allowed through the door.

The angel stepped to the side, and bowed its head.

I entered Jerusalem, and since I have never been there in real life, nor seen many more photos that those on TV of kids throwing rocks at soldiers, in my dream I only saw what my memory of movies showed me.

I walked around a deserted city, wind blowing, but no bad smells. There were no animals, no rotting food, no electricity, nothing, but a large city that had been evacuated instantly, and being in the desert, the strangest thing was shadow. The entire city was in shadow due to the wall, except for a few hours at midday. It was much cooler here than outside the wall.

The wall surrounded the city, and it seemed to slope inward, towards the city, above, clouds, but not many, no contrails of high flying jets, for I believed that nothing could fly over this city any longer. I imaging Satellites would also magically divert their own orbits to avoid being directly over this place.

I was inside, but now more confused than scared. I had only known before that I was compelled to come here, then compelled to come inside, but now I knew nothing. I didn't know what I was here for, and that didn't scare me as much as it worried me, as if I was letting someone down.

To be continued

Last FM

2008-09-16T13:28:00.003-05:00

I posted last time with some links to Last FM, where I am currently residing in the internet music world.

I have a few others to try out before I decide which is best, but this one seems to be filling the bill (Except for the no-embedding part, which I dislike)

So anyway, I am going to figure out a way to embed this widgit onto my main page, for anyone who wants to see what kind of mind-rotting crap I am pumping into my ears.

here's the widget:

Junk Folder # 140

2008-09-16T12:34:00.008-05:00

I am very disorganized, I say that with no pride, but without hesitation either.

Digitally, I download lots of things off the inter web, things like music, pictures, animated gifs, videos, all kinds of media, and quotes.

30 years ago, I would have had a folder filled with magazine clippings, and cassette mix tapes with stuff pulled off the radio. (I still have that box, full of that stuff, I just haven't put anything in it since I got my first computer in 1996)

I am a pack rat, I throw NOTHING away, which makes for a huge trashcan, with little or nothing in it but dirty paper towels and egg shells. I have too much crap, everywhere in my life. I hold onto things for some compulsive reason that I can only partially define. Partly because my parents ingrained it into me, they were of the depression generation, and that generation was the recycle generation, not this one.

I bring this up today, because my desktop (The digital one, not the real one,) is a mess. See for yourself!

SO looking at my desktop this fine day, I decided to clean it up. Of course, I won't throw ANYTHING into the recycle bin, rather, I will 'organize' all this junk. That means, I'll create some folders and pile it all in. Kind of like when one has to 'clean' his apartment, because a lovely lady just called and said she's on her way. If you've never seen this scene, what happens is a mad scramble for boxes, old Walmart bags, and cramming things into drawers until they'll barely close.

The result is hopefully that she'll think it's cute that I'm a bachelor, and I need her in my life to bring a little femininity, cleanliness, and organization into my world. What really happens is that no matter how much Lysol I spray all over the room, the stench of old socks and curdled milk will just not go away, which means I meet her at the door, with my jacket in my hand, and take her out to dinner.

Now I am not taking anyone out to dinner on my virtual desktop, but I do prefer a clean desktop on my PC. I couldn't begin to explain why, but I do. So once a month or so, I create a few new folders, and just start moving things into it. After a year or ten of doing this, I am overwhelmed with folder after folder titled, "Junk" or, more cleverly, "Desktop Junk" filled with stuff I have no remote idea why I have; And more often than not, I have multiple copies of things, which is a sure sign that when I want something, I cannot find it, and have to re-download it, which makes for a third, or fourth copy.

Many times, I get things because I see potential in them, perhaps a picture that would be fun to write about in a blog, a video that I am sure is going to disappear off YouTube, so I grab it while it is available, and store it, and sometimes, some rare hard to find song that was played as a five second clip on some TV show that I normally do not watch, but just had to have that clip! (Normally this is because I picture something else when I hear that clip, and someday might want to create something for myself with it.)

Here's one,

Click to hear music file

I heard it first as a bumper on Adult Swim, and then again, in the same week on Breaking Bad, on AMC.

Somehow I just had to have this song. So I got it, now I have it, and I have no idea what I am ever going to do with it.

I also heard this song,

Click to hear music file

It was played during an episode of Carrier on PBS, during a montage of some girl breaking up with her boyfriend. Usually if I tear up during any scene on TV, I have to have the music behind it.

I also found some images I pulled of the interweb,

Here's one,

Brock Sampson from the TV Show The Venture Brothers. It was someone's Avatar, or Signature, and it made me smile, so I nabbed it.

This one I found somewhere, now I forget where, but it made me giggle,

So I have all this junk, and no real place for it, so I create folders, and just cram them full until I have another full desktop.

That is my organization.

And when my HDD fills up? Well, little buckeroo, that's why I bought a Terabyte external drive! It only has about 90 GB on it right now. Of course when I transfer file folders over to it, I have to rename them! I'm up to Junk Folder # 140...

Screenplay Adapted by R.E.M.

2008-09-15T12:44:00.001-05:00

Screenplay adapted by R.E.M.

So I dram a pretty good amount. I mean to say, I RECALL my dreams a pretty good amount. Many studies show that we all dream, and very often, but that most of us don't readily recall our dreams very often at all. I remember my dreams every single morning.

Most dreams are silly things, snippits of memory of something I read the night before, or two seemingly unrelated things I saw the day before, etc etc. The dreams I remember the most vividly are played out on the insides of my eyelids like movies.

Over the last 20+ years I have had a handful of dreams I still remember, and sometimes, rarely, but sometimes I have 'sequel' dreams, or even 'spin-off' dreams relating tot he old dreams. Are these recurring? I think not, since it is not the same dream I have ever and over.

Over the last five years I have had a few dreams that truly moved me, and fed my conscious thoughts, and affected me, and others I shared the dreams with.

Before I describe these dreams, I must share with you a couple of thoughts, namely, that I realize that people rarely want to hear what other people have dreamed about, unless they themselves are in it, or there is sex involved. Also, in ones own dreams there are often, for lack of a better term, shortcuts. That is to say, I may see something in my dream that reveals to me any number of clues, suggestions, or ideas, and if that image were described to you, you would have no clue what it meant. So in describing dreams, we often, or at least I often describe more than what I dreamed, for the sake of 'filling in the blanks' for you.

As a side note, I also have dreamed credits at the end of a dream, which is very odd, and usually I cannot read what the credits say at all. And sometimes there is end credit music.

The first dream I'll share with you was about God. I believe it was about THE GOD, and not just any old god, because of the feeling I had while I was in the dream. I, as well as other in the dream, believed it was god, so I'll go along with the idea that it was in fact God, the Almighty, creator of everything.

Many of the recurring themes in my dreams have much to do with the idea that no one will believe me. An amateur Fruedian could tell us that I have trust issues in my conscious mind, but that is neither here nor there. Trying to understand why the writer made the heroine blond, and if he has a particular perversion towards blonds does not help one enjoy the film or book any better.

So there I was, in an nondescript land, with lots of people, most of whom I did not know, and Gods 'voice' was in our heads all at once. None of us could have understood what he was saying, but it scared the be-jesus out of everyone, and there was much panic. In the sky were round, perfect circles, of rainbows, and an indescribable large thing, with a head, and strange body, it was a mile high, and could be seen by many from very very far away.

After everyones adrenaline ran out, and left a metallic taste in our mouths, we stopped running away, and tried to hear what was being said. It was more of a feeling, or idea, rather than hearing and understanding words, which to me seems rather clever, instead of God speaking 'languages' to everyone, he speaks to us through ideas that any human can understand.

The idea was that Jerusalem was going to be off limits for a while. To stay away from it, and don't even look at it.

It was a big idea, and from someone in the mid-west, like me, a very easy one to comply with.

The dream skips ahead to me running to other people, now ones I know, workmates, and such, and telling them I say God, and so did many others, and he sent a message, and so on. Of course they didn't believe me, and I couldn't convince them.

Skip ahead again to the television, and news reports from CNN or such that there are massive tent cities in the desert outside Jerusalem, and it seems that everyone in Jerusalem had been asleep, then suddenly woke up in a tent out in the desert, those that had been awake, baking bread, or on guard duty, had simply 'transported' to the tent city.

Every time the news camera tried to swing around to view the actual city of Jerusalem, some miles away, the camera flared as if it were looking into a very bright light, and just would not focus, or 'see' the city.

Some clever bird at CNN pulled up Google maps, and showed a satellite image of Jerusalem from a few years prior, and drew where the tent city was, in relation to Jerusalem, and the city itself was pixilated out of focus.

Skip ahead, and now we see news footage of Isreali Army troops getting ready to mobilize back into the city, and 'take it back'

Next we see a camera panning quickly to the right, and focusing upon several naked men walking from the desert back to the tent city with a dazed look upon their faces.

None of them will speak.

Now I am there, just outside the tent city, where news trucks, and tents have been set up for the media, and every time I look towards Jerusalem, it is like trying to look into the sun. After I slam my eyes shut against the burning, there is a quick negative image of a huge wall, like 30 stories tall, wrapping all around the city.

Now we see news footage again, I am/was there, but don't exactly remember being there, I only remember seeing the news footage of the event, the camera pans wildly to the right again, then up, and trying desperately to focus. It is the same huge mile high 'beast' and the same communication is taking place, not exactly words spoken, but rather images, and ideas related to our minds, and people are screaming, and terrified.

The reporter, clearly shaken badly, is trying to describe what is happening, and is speaking almost gibberish. As if trying to explain to a blind person what the color lavender looks like.

Jerusalem is closed, out of bounds, off limits, for forty years, and none shall look upon it, or breach its walls.

To be continued in a later blog.

2008-09-13T09:35:00.002-05:00

Originally posted on facebook, I have included comments from other facebook members in the main text.

Listening to the opposition

Wednesday, September 3, 2008 at 9:25pm

It is so hard for me to listen to the RNC. Not because I disagree with them, (But I do), not because I hate them (I don't), but because they are spending their valuable time telling falsehoods, lies, and playing the OLD politics, rather than bringing in a fresh new view.

But worse still, is looking at the delegates and guests. They just don't look like me, they just look like my parents.

And they look a lot like the people who I listen to on the street, and from across the counter, and squint my eyes in disbelief.

It scares me, because I know that there are a lot of people in this country who truly believe what the republican party preaches.

It sickens me to listen, but I do. I am trying to be what they are not, fair, and balanced.

I am trying hard to hear them, too, to hear what they have to say, and try to understand them, like I do when I listen to the people all around me in this little town.

I could truly believe that some people believe that they don't agree with everything the Republicans say, but a few things are too important to give up, but it sounds more like the republicans believe it all.

Maybe it is just me, believing so strongly in what I believe, that I cannot understand how someone can believe something else.

I think, though, that I am just tired of the old, and need and want something new. The RNC right now sounds almost like the replay of the 1976 RNC that replayed recently on CSPAN. And that should be good news to me, because they lost that election. In both, they sounded like broken records, and it didn't sound at all like anyone was really listening to what they were saying.

Anyway, I hope and pray that people really truly vote what they think will be best. I hope that they look not at what the candidates have to offer them, but what they have to gain, or lose if the wrong candidate is elected.

God save us all.

11 comments

Chris McBee wrote
at 9:15am on September 5th, 2008
You say it is hard to listen to the Republicans but what about Democrats?

What are the Democrats really saying they stand for?

Are you sucked in by the Hope and Change platform Obama is preaching?

You need to vote for the candidate based on their policies, issues and merit that are best for this country.

You can't elect Obama just because the Republicans look like your parents, that's absurd.

You say that the Republicans are not being fair and balanced. Please tell us what they aren't being fair about. You can't make an accusation without having some proof to back it up with.
Delete

Regor Wons wrote
at 9:54am on September 5th, 2008
Republicans scare the hell out of me. Too right wing, too religious. It's not so much the Republican party... it's also it's supporters. Creationism, born again Christians, the whole bible belt thing... seems like a life of total hypocrisy to me. Why, just the other day, some Republican, bible bashing, trailer trash inbreed was bashing someone because, "...we don't want a black man in the white house!" Sometimes I think America under republicanism, is no better than Islamic extremists, both forcing their own values on others. People forget America is a very religious country: I'd rather have a more liberal take on that in the white house than the current or prospective offerings from the right. Take a look at McCains number 2; Loves to shoot n kill, animals for sport, but is pro life when it comes to unwanted pregnancies. Her poor daughter, pregnant at 17, but thats OK coz she'll marry the guy. Bollocks! I've never known a level headed 17 year old who 'wants' marriage.
Delete

Regor Wons wrote
at 10:03am on September 5th, 2008
Too bad about the space restriction here!!

"Are you sucked in by the Hope and Change platform Obama is preaching?"

Hook, line an sinker! The rest of the world can't get it soon enough.
Delete

Paul Silvestri (St. Catharines / Niagara, ON) wrote
at 11:32am on September 5th, 2008
I'm trying to understand why you even care...
Delete

Jonathan Johns wrote
at 11:32am on September 5th, 2008
Chris, I have always enjoyed a very intelligent debate about politics, If you would like to post links, or quotes to throw proof back and forth, its fine, but it won't change anyone's mind, especially yours or mine.

And the absurdity of voting for someone who doesn't "Look" like me, well, I would not vote for someone who doesn't have MY best interest in mind, and I know for a fact that the people are are my parents don't.

But that is a pretty personal bias...
Being "Sucked in" by the Democratic party's platform is just the kind of statement I would assume to come from a current Republican. They (You?) Cannot believe that anyone actually believes any of those things, that they must be a) too stupid to truly understand it, or b) brainwashed by the hype.

The fair and balanced part is a poke at the Fox News Network, which I welcome to the platform, in hopes that the sound byte: "Liberal Media" will be soon disguarded since there is plenty of balance in the media, both extreme liberal, and extreme conservative. The fair and balanced part of the argument is that one republican member will say one thing, with passion and vigor, and yet when the subject comes up again, will completely change his opinion. Basically, it is okay for a Republican to have a pregnant teenage daughter, but not okay for a democrat to.
Delete

Jonathan Johns wrote
at 11:50am on September 5th, 2008
About what the Democrats stand for...

Change from the current administration. Which is a bit of a stretch, since no matter who is elected, there will be change. But the argument i believe they are making, is change from the republican party to the democratic party.

For many of the last eight years, both the house, senate and executive branch (As well as the Supreme court, if you will) have been dominated by republicans, and it is the first time in a very very long time that the Republican party has had their way, with little or no power to stop them. The results of this are that the rich get richer, and the poor get poorer, and we, as citizens have much LESS freedom than we did 9 years ago.

We are also at war, undeclared, with a country which did not attack us, or pose us any harm.

I believe the Democratic party stands for change from all that.

But my argument does not lie alone with the party members speaking, but rather with the regular folk, who are members of the party, and support the party with their votes.
Delete

Jonathan Johns wrote
at 11:50am on September 5th, 2008

They stand up for the party leaders, and reiterate their talking points, rather than educating themselves about the issues, and really examining how the issues affect their daily lives, and how the solution presented by the party officials will directly affect them as well.

There are only talking heads, repeating the sound bytes that I have met locally, whereas, the local democrats I speak with are bringing the issues to home, sharing their thoughts, even disagreements, and showing how these solutions will directly affect them.

I wish some republican would bring it home to me, and share actual personal information, rather than just repeat what some news anchor on FOX says. Or slandering some party member.

Its the attack politics that disgust me, and I don;t see the two leaders doing so, only the people under them both, like you, who seem to feel the need to belittle and hurt people you don't know with information you have only heard, but not been witness to.

I choose to vote for what will help me and my family, rather than just what is 'best for the country' as a whole.
Delete

Jonathan Johns wrote
at 11:51am on September 5th, 2008
You may say that that is selfish liberalism, but your own party leaders use this same language to get votes, "I will help you and your family' ; 'I will cut your taxes' so don't begin to throw too much weight behind why I choose to vote this way or that.

I used to know republicans who were much more loving and caring for their fellow citizens, back in the Reagan years, but now i only meet those who are full of hate, and exasperation at those of us who do not think the way they do.

It doesn't seem too prudent to try to sway voters from across the aisle by insulting them, and belittling them.

It reminds me of some religions, whose sole mission it is to recruit more members, but murder, and behead, and attack those who will not come over to their way of thinking. It just doesn't work.

John McCain is a good man, and I have liked and respected him for years, but he has attached himself to a wagon, which I believe he hopes to regain control of, and turn around, but he is using that wagon in the same old way its always been used to get the people in it to let him have the reins. I only hope that he will continue to have the moral courage to defy his party, and their core beliefs if and when he gets elected.

I would vote for ANYONE that is not republican, if I thought my vote would get them elected. I am that passionate, and angry at the republican party politicians for what they have done over the last 8 years.

I am saddened by the party members who have used this time in power to allow their leaders to be selfish, and hurt this country while doing so. The Reagan Republicans never would have let this happen.
Delete

Jonathan Johns wrote
at 11:56am on September 5th, 2008
The proof you are looking for me to post, then discredit are items like the Republican party talking points about Hillary, saying she needs to stop whining about the public picking on her, yet when their new VP candidate complains about the public not leaving her alone, it is not okay, and she is not whining.

Several more back steps by the party talking heads come to mind, but I am sure you will find something about them that makes it okay. Like most republicans I speak with, it's okay when you do it, but not okay when others do.

That is the Hypocracy we speak of.

It would be so easy to deflate our arguments, if you just owned up to them with a better excuse, or argument.

It would be so easy to make this country whole again, and allow opposing viewpoints, but you just don't do it. McCain says he will, and I pray that he will, but with the line-up of speakers at the convention before him, it seemed to me like they were not all on the same sheet of music as their potential leader.

It is sad, that he must now change his views to win the base, rather than just work hard at convincing the base that they have been wrong, and it is truly time for change.
Delete

Jonathan Johns wrote
at 11:59am on September 5th, 2008
Paul, Why I care?

Because my life will be directly impacted by whoever is elected, so will my son's life.

I care because it is supremely difficult for me to debate or convince someone who believes what the republican talking heads tell them to believe. If I understand better, I might be able to a) convince them better, or b) get along better with those whom I disagree with.
Delete

Regor Wons wrote
at 7:19pm on September 5th, 2008
Nicely put JJ

FDR or Teddy?

2008-09-13T09:29:00.003-05:00

This was first posted on Facebook

Did Franklin do more to create the Republican party than Teddy?

Saturday, September 6, 2008 at 1:13pm
It is a question, rather than me stating some fact. I really wonder, though.

The current Republican party as I see it is more like this;

We all need to give things up, suffer a bit, sacrifice for our country, not whine about getting such extravagances as a home, groceries, and a car. These things our parents (Or grandparents) had to let go for the good of the country during the great depression. They didn't whine about it. They pulled up their bootstraps, and succeeded in spite of the odds, in spite of the hardships.

If they can do it, so can we. And sometimes we have to. During times like we're in now, when Oil is at a record high price per barrel, when home values are plummeting, when the cost of everything that is moved from one place to another, during these times, we have to suck it up, stop whining about 'what we deserve' and make do. Victory gardens are right around the corner.

And remember, those of you who think we shouldn't have to sacrifice a little for the betterment of the world, well, you're just being selfish! Selfish, whining, brat kids, who don't appreciate the sacrifice of their parents, and grandparents. And therefore, don't deserve any of little help there is to go around.

Complaining about being homeless? Well, buddy, who put you there? The government didn't put you on the street, you chose to be there, and so suffer you will for your poor choices. There are plenty of churches, and religious shelters who will be glad to help you get back on your feet, if you would only renounce your heathen dirt-worshiping ways, and praise the man Jesus, and confess to Him that you are weak minded, weak bodied, and will join His army against the non-believers.

Can't make ends meet at the end of the month without working two or three minimum wage jobs? What are you complaining about? You Have a job, or two or three! There are heathen dirt-worshipers in Africa who don't even know about the Man Jesus, who have to walk 30 miles for a dirty cup of dirty water! And you're complaining? When our parents (Grandparents) were your age, they couldn't get ONE job, let alone three! And they would have worked all three, or more, gladly, and proudly, because they understood that being an American citizen means sacrificing for the flag of our fathers!

Our country was built upon sacrifice! Blood by our soldiers, Time by our faithful, and money from our citizens. Money not for the government fat-cats, and their pork-barrel projects, No! Money for Defense, and for our great financial leaders, who grow our economy from the top! Time given freely, and cheerfully by those in our country who put their faith where it should be, right in front, as the most important thing we have, because without God, where would we be? God has given us everything we have, and our duty now is to praise him. And to thank him at every blessed opportunity. God wills our goodwill, and only when we fail to tithe, and pray, and worship, only then do bad things happen to us. In Fact, God cures cancer, and other diseases, when enough people pray for it to be gone. Of course, there is not enough prayer, worship or sacrifice to grow back a leg, but Cancer? That's Jesus' bitch, when He wants it to be so. As for giving our blood to the flag, well, every soldier is worth our praise, and thanks, not like back in the seventies, when we spat on them, and treated them like dirt, no way. Now the only soldiers we spit upon are those who's CIVILIAN beliefs directly go against ours. If that be so, then everything they did, or failed to do, is free game. God bless America, and may those who stand against us, American citizen, or not, feel our wrath.

That is the feeling I get from the republican party.

But where did all this 'sacrifice' come from? Surly not those fat-cat financial leaders? They sacrifice nothing for America. In fact, complain, and pay off their senators-on-leashes when anything even close to a tax rears its ugly head by the 'dirty democrat socialists.

Was it the 'Greatest Generation'? Our parents and grandparents who valued the 1950's simplicity of life? Who long for a return to 'traditional' America Values? Longing for something long gone is a very conservative idea. It is not in any way progressive. But can't they see our country has changed? That we can't have that time back? That the only thing good about that time was the fact that it was horribly bad right before it?

From the time of the stock market crash, until the election of D.W. Eisenhower, it was almost 20 years, during which time, an entire generation (The Greatest?) suffered and sacrificed, and endured, and survived, and eventually thrived. But during that time, there were people getting rich off the poor, taking advantage of the situation, taking advantage of people. The crash of the stock market, and failure of banks did not hurt the rich, it hurt the poor, and middle class. And during the war, (To end all wars?) many more rich men, became more and more rich. They took both the blood and the money of its citizens. But worse still, they instilled the 'Traditional American Value' of Sacrifice.

With that institution in place, they could trudge along, year after year, decade after decade, and gain from the sacrifice of the citizens they held in contempt as a class well below them. Well below their Kingdom, or Empire.

That was the result of the Sacrifice Institution, but it was not the intention. I believe that Franklin was faced with an unbelievable challenge, dare I say, even more challenging than that which Lincoln faced. Lincoln might have lost half our country to secession, and civil war, but FDR might have lost everything, from depression, failure of our national currency, dust-bowl, world-war, and on and on. Worse than all of those things, he could have lost our national spirit. Which was never 'Sacrifice' (as many would like us to believe,) but Hard work, that can win you the American Dream. Hard Sacrifice will win you nothing, sometimes, not even the respect of those citizens around you. The intention of FDR was to get people to stop worrying about yesterday, and start working hard for tomorrow, because with hard work today, everyone will have an opportunity to earn the American Dream, again, not through sacrifice, but through hard work.

As is often the case, someone took advantage of the idea, and bastardized it to their own uses. Because if the American Populace were to continue believing that Sacrifice was the way to go, the expected way, the respected way, the only way to get 'there', then the rich could earn from the sacrifice of the American people. And better yet, the people themselves would police their own citizenry, by hammering those who didn't or don't sacrifice. Now it is no longer the Aristocracy belittling the middle class's lack of ownership of land, but rather the middle class belittling their peers, and lower classes for not respecting the Sacrifice.

But as all middle classes go, they need their leaders, they need their heroes. All too often, those heroes are not the black poor, and white trash poor who get sent off to some country to bleed onto its soil for no apparent reason, but instead are the rich, those who made it, (from Gods blessing) to become rich (Succeed), and set an example for those who aspire to become one of the 'earners.' Knowing that in order to become one of them, they can never attack them (risking banishment), but instead defend them. So belittling those below who haven't sacrificed enough, to defending those above, who have sacrificed nothing, the middle class is the Great Class, and when the stars aligned, and the 1950's were upon us, the middle class grew, from fortune, from fate, or from Jesus' will, they grew. And this generation, (The Greatest?) the middle class of the 1950's set the example for the modern republican party.

When Homo's were closeted (They do cut hair well! And oh! What a flair for fashion!), when African-Americans (Blacks, Negro's) stayed in their own villages, when we had One Clear And True Enemy. (Communism!) When small towns, not the elitist, pink, communistic, (Gawd! They live right next to each other!) big cities, bread the best America has to offer, when life was simpler (Read: when people shut their pie-holes, and didn't complicate things with new ideas) and when the Man-Jesus was our countrys' only true savior, when these things were, then we were in high times. When the Real American Values were established for eternity, and ever they be so, and ever will we long for them....

All that middle class? It came from the hard work, not the sacrifice. All that success? New house, new car, new fighter planes, and bombers? All came from good-ole American Hard Work, not from sacrifice.

Sacrifice Donated recycled steel, aluminum, and copper, and rubber, for free, to the war machine who then sold it to the government. Hard work Paid laborers to mine new metals, and process new oil into tires, and SOLD it to the companies for profit, who then sold it to the government.

Sacrifice only makes the rich richer. Hard Work makes us all richer.

They call it the greatest generation, yet they continue to take advantage of that generation by using it for political gain, and bastardizing the concept to their own financial gain.

Our country was founded on the idea that we didn't want to answer to an aristocracy, that we were led by our fellow citizens, and no one, NO ONE could take over this country, and lead it around by the nose to their own gain. Yet that is what we are becoming. The politicians are owned. Corrupt? I dare say not, because they may not be smart enough to even realize what they are doing wrong. Some are even mesmerized by the allure of it all. But they are being manipulated by the rich, who only wish to become richer, and who are supported by those who think they too can become a member of the aristocracy. It is an age-old concept, one our founding fathers tried to save us from, and through the constitution, tried to protect us from.

Are the Republicans the only bad politicians? No. But their strong believe in the 1950's 'American Family Values' is just much more blatant than any other party.

I wonder what Teddy or Franklin would think of where our country is now? The Franklin Roosevelt Family would be fat and happy, with that Elite cigarette holder in his mouth, pointing somewhere in the sky. But Teddy? I imagine he would find himself more in-line with Ike, shaking his head at how we didn't head the warnings about the Military-Industrial Complex, about the environment, and about the better angels of our nature.

Was that tree there before?

2008-09-12T20:56:00.001-05:00

I make enough mistakes in my life, that having someone else mess with it, and lead me down a path that ends in pain, is something that hurts almost worse. I am one who tends to believe that I am in control (I'm not a control freak who NEEDS to be in control), and that everything bad that happens to me is my own damned fault. But sometimes, rarely, if I might say so, I have to give credit to someone else for hurting me, or leading me to a place where I am more apt to hurt myself.

I say “I was blind to the fact that I was being manipulated, and I should have known better,” but in fact I probably couldn't have known any better. I was sincerely trying hard to make something out of my life, and help someone else. I was blind, but not because I chose to be. I was blinded.

So after being led down this path, and only after seeing the 'dead-end' sign there, did I realize that I had been fooled, that I had been used, manipulated, and intentionally hurt. When I turned to face this 'friend' there was no one there. I guess I had led myself the rest of the way, after passing several paths that could have led me off this one. I see back there the backs of signs that surly must say on their other side, “No Outlet Thru traffic only.”

After sitting on my hands, there at the end of the road for about two weeks, I wiped the tears of bruised pride from my face, and started the long walk back. Somewhere back there I should be able to find my way back to the path of my life. I hope so, anyway. Things have changed on this path, I don't remember seeing that tree there on the left.

Sick Puppy

2008-09-12T20:50:00.004-05:00

This was another blog post on MySPace, same week in December, 2007

Sick Puppy

The unknown.

It most often haunts you, sometimes paralyzes you.
Stops you from making decisions, makes you sick.
Makes you second guess yourself.

What am I doing?
What have I done?
Why did I make that choice?
What was I thinking.

What is wrong with my judgment, if I cannot even make sound choices?
What is driving me?
Where am I going...

What do I want here?
And what do I just need to get by.

How am I going to get out of this?
Can I cut my losses, and leave with just a cracked bruised ego,
instead of a crushed and broken sense of self-esteem?

Why do we feel the need to constantly be in contact?

Why do we feel, when we are NOT in contact...
That there must be something wrong...

I can only guess it is insecurity.

And I can only believe that this is because of a false sense of self-worth...

A mistaken identity...

"I thought I knew you, but I didn't..."
We say to ourselves in the mirror.

How horrifying...

Life is the unknown. We think we know the past, because we were there, but in fact, we only saw things from our own point of view.

In fact, we have no idea what our actions did to anyone else, even if they tell us...

The Future will always be unknown, our plans, our projections, our forecasts, they only give us a sense that whatever does happen, we will be prepared to adjust to it, about 50% of the time...

Pretty lousy odds.

The present, where we live now, where I am now, typing this...

This is where we live, where we make decisions, where we find ourselves, and decide who we are, and who we are going to be...

It is not the most frightening place to be, but here we feel the fear, and it robs us of living and enjoying what we are doing, and it stops us from making sound decisions...

It cripples us, and I hate it.

I have such little room in my heart for hate for others, but I seem to keep a big cup of it reserved for myself.

I apply it liberally to myself whenever I don't know what is going on, or where I am going, or what I've done wrong...

I hate myself for not taking my own advice, I hate myself for not giving myself the same breaks I give others, I hate myself for not living in the moment, and taking things as they come, and I hate myself for doubting everything I have ever done, and doubting my own ability to make sound decisions for myself...

And I hate myself for giving in to my desires, and allowing myself to be vulnerable, and allowing myself to be so open with myself.

I hate myself for exposing myself here...

Yet I do it, and freely, and use the excuse that I am exercising my demons, or cleansing my system, or that I am actually writing something that someone else might read...

And I know no one will, and I know that no one cares, and I hate myself for having an ego that makes me have a shred of hope that someone actually does...

Depression is a bitch, and I hate her, Fear is a puppy I picked up on the side of the road, that seems to need me to survive, but provides nothing for me but a constant need for attention, food off my plate, medicine I cannot afford, Dr. bills that rob me of my finances...

A sick little puppy, my fear is... And I cannot let him go.

He sleeps on a ratty blanket in the garage, and I try to never let him into my house... But he seems to follow me where ever I go, and he loves me.

I am in fear right now. Anguish, Fear, stress, worry...

I have much 'unknown', and I deal with it poorly.
My mind wanders, I think of the worst, I play out fantastical scenarios in my head, I second guess everything I think and do.

Knowledge is power, because it keeps the unknown at bay. It is a chew toy for my puppy, and while it plays, I am free of it.

I have no knowledge, so I cuddle my puppy in my lap. Flea-bitten, and stinking of wet hair, and mange, I hold it close, and pet it's head, and scratch it behind its ear, where the mites live, and crawl on my skin.

I love the puppy, the sick little puppy, for without it, I am even without the fear of the unknown, and I am truly alone.

Fuck the dog.

I hope it dies.

7:48 AM

Ugh, here we go again

2008-09-12T20:41:00.003-05:00

This was my first blog post on MySpace, First week of December, 2007, recreated here for your displeasure.

The Day I Find My Reason for Living

So.

Hummm..

I am inspired. I have a platform. I find myself in the middle of a courtyard, on a bright sunny day, with lots of people around, and I feel like talking. Maybe someone will listen. or in this case, I am standing shoulder to shoulder with about 450,000 people pressing in on me, and I cannot hear myself breathe over the din of SPIDER PIG! and HAMPSTER DANCE.

And I am going to TYPE, and no one is going to read this.

Yet, I continue to type. So, who here is the loser.

I have avoided the "New" internet for years, because I played this game before, and I lost at it, and it left a bad taste in my mouth. I was on AOL version 1.0. It came in the mail on a 1.44" floppy disk, and cost $19.99 per month, PLUS it cost you to be online... You see, I had a month with a $499.00 AOL bill... Back then, e-mails costs... downloading "Peanut Butter Jelly Time" animated Gif's cost money... Just sitting in front of your PC, browsing the "Internet" thru AOL on a Smokin fast 33.3 Modem... well, even that cost money.

But meeting real people, outside of the AOL chat rooms, well, that cost nothing but Gas, or bus fare, and the two drink minimum that the Regal Beagle charged you to listen to the house band butcher yet another version of 'Mr. Jones'

No, that cost nothing. Well, unless you count your ego, your self esteem, your pride... All somewhat worthy things to care about, in an altruistic way, but definately not necesary for survival. I mean look around you. No, really.

Look around you. You have browsed this place, Someone somewhere has tripped over your myspace page, browsed, and purused, asked to be your "friend", then you've visited their Unicorn Love-in, and rolled your eyes...

And without knowing it... You have sent ill-will, and soul crushing vibes thru the internet to some hapless victim, who only wanted to get the same validation out of life that you crave daily. (You know why you roll your eyes, right? You are looking up to see if God is about to catch you being frustrated with one of his hapless creatures who need your help. You are about to, or just did, avoid being a good Sameritan, and you know that if God ain't watchin, you can get a way with it. So you roll your eyes across the skies... Checking to see if you're gonna get caught... being a complete un-helpful, un-compassionate, impatient, tool.)

This place is full of them. As soon as we get someone, ANYONE, other than TOM in our friends list, we move up one position in rank, and we can search and search for those LOSERS with only TOM as thier friend... and feel better about ourselves. That is what this is all about, right? It is a vanity site! Not a friends site... The more friends who want to be our friends... the more vain we become.

I am no different. I have to do this, in order to keep my connections with my real life friends. Who know I am vain, and who know I roll my eyes. But who don't know I write, and who don't know what my "Interests:" are.

Whatever.

My second job is making coffee feel less bitter.

Okay.

On with the show...

1049pm

Never communicate when angry

2008-08-10T21:12:00.004-05:00

We're told to never call, write, e-mail, or text when we're angry. It seems we might say something we regret. Probably right, 'they' are. But gods, the passion that is a byproduct of our anger seems to feed the writer in us, or at least in me.

I am upset right now, about something I will not post here, because I am trying to do what I am supposed to. Not because 'they' tell me so, but because I tell myself the same thing. I can count the number of times I've written or said something that I truly regret on one hand, and every time I could have avoided them by just keeping my mouth shut until I thought about it rationally, and made a decision with a clear mind. I think the notion is that when we're angry we tend to block out the person on the other side of our anger, and their feelings. But after we've calmed down, we begin to re-assess how the other(s) must feel, and we tend have some compassion for the situation. Time, it seems, gives us perspective.

But Artists, well, some seem to feed on the passion, the anger. They are most creative when most passionate; from love passion or hate passion. And letting the feeling 'pass', so to speak, is like letting the muse leave a message. Or waiting to write down the details of the dream until later in the afternoon. If we let the feelings pass, we tend to let the understanding of the feelings pass so far, that we lose the ability to triangulate.

I wonder how 'they' say we are supposed to deal with this? 'If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all' seems to come from the school of thought which also dictates that we suppress things, repress things, and let bitterness poison us. But what about the pacifists? Let it pass? Don't let the anger overtake us? I can agree with that, for sure, but there is a real need to recognize our own feelings for what they are, and even to understand where they come from, and where they might lead.